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Fuming Over Perfuming

Robeline, LA, USA | Right | December 31, 2012

(A customer enters and I walk around to greet him.)

Me: *wiping my eyes* “Good evening!” *sniffles* “How are you?”

Customer: “Hey don’t cry! Who did it?! Who made you cry?” *he looks around for other customers*

Me: *smiling* “Thanks for your concern, but it’s just my allergies. I’ve had several customers who had on too much cologne or perfume.”

Customer: “Oh, I was worried there for a minute. I thought I was going to have to kick someone’s a** for you!”

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Good Employees Can Fill In The Blanks

| Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Right | December 31, 2012

(It is 2000. I am working in the electronics department at a well-known chain department store, when a boy of about 13 years old walks up to my counter.)

Boy: “Um… like, uh… do you, like, uh… have any, uh… like, uh… they’re like, um… they’re like, uh, movies… uh… but, like… they, like… they don’t… they, like, don’t have anything on them?”

Me: *after staring for a moment* “Do you mean blank videocassettes?”

Boy: “Yeah!”

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Waaay Lost In Translation

| Aurora, CO, USA | Right | December 31, 2012

(It is a pretty mild day, and most everyone is buzzing about the new Ikea that has opened up the month prior. I am chatting with a particularly effervescent woman with a full cart to scan. She has asked about my studies.)

Me: “I’m just going to school downtown. I’m studying Spanish and German.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s impressive! Pretty and smart!”

Me: “Oh, well thank you! I actually pick up languages easily. I’ve also studied Chinese and French, and for the past year my best friend has been teaching me Swedish.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Swedish? Ha! Like you could speak Swedish!”

Me: “Yes, actually I can. He actually was born and raised in Stockholm… he’s still living there, actually. He’s Swedish, teaching me Swedish, so I can go to Sweden.”

Customer: “Well, I know people who work at Ikea, and they know Swedish. So, tell me, what’s ‘Hello,’ then?”

Me: “‘Hej,’ or ‘Hallo.’ That can be followed up with ‘Hur mår du’ and other various phrases.”

Customer: “Ha! I knew you didn’t speak Swedish. That’s not how you say ‘Hello!'”

Me: “Yes, it is, actually.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! My friends work at Ikea! They would know! You’re not speaking Swedish. That’s not Swedish!”

Me: “Okay, then apparently my Swedish friend doesn’t know how to speak his native tongue. How do you say, ‘Hello’, in Swedish?”

(The customer looks proud in her win and straightens herself.)

Customer: “It’s f*******e.”

(My jaw drops. The translation of this is roughly ‘c***face’.)

Me: “Yes… yes sweetie, that’s exactly how you say that. You’re right. Have a nice day.”

(She left looking incredibly satisfied. The moment I got off of work, I texted my friend. He and I still laugh about this over a year later.)

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Today Your Cashier Is

| Working | December 31, 2012


Via.

Maya Suggest You Keep Your Suggestions To Yourself

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Working | December 31, 2012

(My boss is lunching with one of our biggest clients. As a nice Christmas gesture, he wants to give them a gift and sends me out to see what the local winery has. Once there, I spy a four bottle box set of very nice Italian vintages and take it to the register. Note: this happens on December 21st which is slated to be a potential date for the end of the world.)

Cashier: “Oh man, you’re going for the good stuff, aren’t you? Quite a party you’ll have with these!”

Me: “I wish! They’re actually for a client of ours.”

Cashier: “Oh, right.” *winks* “Don’t worry, I’m planning to welcome the apocalypse in a similar way.”

Me: “Uh, no… seriously, I’m buying this for a customer of my boss.”

Cashier: “Yeah I get ya.” *winks again* “Just a suggestion? Grab yourself some high strength painkillers as well. A few handfuls mixed in with these and you’ll be so out of your head you won’t care the world is ending!”

Me: *quietly takes the wine and walks out*

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