Archive for 2011

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Of Low Prices And Lower Expectations

| Ft. Wayne, IN, USA | Right | December 27, 2011

(Every item in our store is one dollar.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I need help with your Christmas ties. I can’t get them to work.”

(The ties in question play music when you press the button.)

Me: “Of course, ma’am. All you have to do is press the button firmly and hold for two seconds. The button isn’t super sensitive to light presses to avoid the music playing from an accidental press.”

(I show the customer the difference between lightly pushing and intentionally pushing the button.)

Customer: *lightly pushes the button* “See, these don’t work!”

Me: “Ma’am, just press and hold the button for 2 seconds.”

(I demonstrate again in case she hadn’t seen it the first time.)

Customer: *pushes button several times very quickly* “You must be lying to me. It still doesn’t work!”

Me: “Ma’am, all you have to do is push the button once and hold it for 2 seconds.”

Customer: *pushes and holds button* “Finally! These aren’t very good quality, are they?!”

(Another customer who has been listening from the next aisle speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Ugh, lady, you’re in a dollar store! It’s a Christmas tie. You press the button for two seconds and it plays music. It costs a dollar. What more do you want?!”

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Shades Of Stupid

| New Zealand | Right | December 27, 2011

(A customer comes in with a DVD player and several DVD movies.)

Customer: “My DVD player is not working properly. I borrowed some DVDs from a friend, and some of them aren’t playing in color.”

Me: “Which ones are you having the troubles with?”

Customer: “These.” *points at a bunch of black and white movies*

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We Smurfs Stick Together

, | Michigan, USA | Right | December 27, 2011

Manager: “And who was helping you today?”

Customer #1: *points to me* “That nice blue haired girl over there. I think it’s so fun that she has blue hair. Very unique.”

Manager: “We think it’s awesome. Have a good day!” *turns to next customer* “Hello! Who helped you out today?”

Customer #2: *points to me* “That heathen with the blue devil hair and no makeup on.”

Manager: “That’ll be $34.50. You have a nice day.”

Customer #2: *yells across store* “Thank you for the help, heathen!”

Every worker in the store: “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

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One Person’s Smash Is Another Person’s Treasure

| Oklahoma, USA | Right | December 27, 2011

Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”

Are You Game For Booty-Shaking

| Napa, CA, USA | Related | December 27, 2011

Mother:Wheel of FortuneDeal or No Deal…what other game shows does daddy like?”

Child: “Shake your booty!”

Father: *laughs* “I haven’t seen that one. Sounds like an after-hours show!”

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