Archive for 2011

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Moby Thick

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Right | March 9, 2011

(A customer comes to our help desk, looking upset.)

Customer: “My daughter’s teacher assigned this book. It’s totally inappropriate for a twelve year old! I was hoping you could suggest something else.”

Me: “What’s the book, ma’am?”

Customer: ”I don’t want to say the name out loud. There are children present.”

(The customer hands over the assigned reading list. The book is ‘Moby Dick’.)

Me: “It’s not a dirty book, ma’am. Moby Dick is a story about a man and his hunt to kill an elusive white whale. It’s actually rather good. I read it when I was about your daughter’s age.”

Customer: “Well, they should name it something different. You should tell the author person he needs to change the name.”

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You Got The Wrongest Email

| Upstate, NY, USA | Right | March 9, 2011

Caller: “I’d like to get more information about [program].”

Me: “I’d be glad to help you with that, sir. Actually, we sent an email to you earlier in the week about it.”

Caller: “Really? I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s in my spam folder.”

(He checks his spam folder.)

Caller: “Well, I don’t see your email. There’s something about how male-enhancement drugs can improve my bedroom performance. That’s not from you guys, is it?”

 

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See If He’ll Fetch The Schtick

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Right | March 9, 2011

(A customer comes in and is looking at our Hanukkah stuff for dogs.)

Customer: “How cute! Hanukkah stuff for dogs.”

Me: “We also have Hanukkah collars.”

Customer: “How do you know if your dog is Jewish?”

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Drop-Off(spring) Box

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | March 9, 2011

(I am ringing out a man and his son. He looks around 5 years old. He keeps pulling things off the candy racks and asking for them.)

Customer: “Stop, or I’m going to have to leave you here.”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “What would happen if I really left him here? Would you have to call the police?”

Me: “I think we have to.”

Son: “Can I get this?”

Customer: “No. Would you know how to get home from here?”

Son: “Yep!”

Customer: “D***!”

(He laughs, pays, and leaves. I make sure he has his son with him.)

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A Complete Debarkle

| Brisbane, Australia | Right | March 9, 2011

(I work in the call center for parks & gardens.)

Me: “Parks & Gardens, may I help you?”

Resident: “I want a new street tree, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Is there a problem with your current street tree?”

Resident: “Yes. It doesn’t attract the native birds. I want a street tree that attracts native birds.”

Me: “Okay. We don’t normally replace street trees just because they don’t attract birds. Other forms of wildlife use the street trees too. Is there anything actually wrong with the tree?”

Resident: “Yes. It keeps on growing.”

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