(A man walks up to me at the circulation desk.)
Customer: “I need to get on the computer.”
Me: “No problem, sir. May I see your ID?”
Customer: “Where’s your bathroom?”
Me: *pointing* “Right down that hall, second grey door on the left.”
Customer: “You don’t mind if I go there to get my ID out, do you?”
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Me:” Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with today?”
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a protective foreskin for my phone.”
(There is a slight pause and we both burst out laughing.)
Me: “I think I know what you mean. They’re just over here.”
Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”
Customer: “A black coffee and a bacon roll, please.”
Me: *repeating order as I write it* “Black coffee and a bacon roll. Okay!”
Customer: “Oh, well done.”
(I begin to write crispy under ‘bacon roll’ on the ticket.)
Customer: “Oh! I mean the bacon roll well done, not you!” *nervous laughter*
Me: “Of course! Extra crispy bacon.”
Customer: “Not that you aren’t doing a good job, of course! I just meant… you know. Thank you, and well done!”
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Me: “Here’s your new bank card. You will be able to change your PIN number at the ATM.”
Customer: “PIN number is a redundant phrase. It’s like ‘personal identification number’, number. You work in a bank. You ought to know that by now.”
Me: “You’re right, sir.”
Customer: *smirks* “I’m always right. So, where’s the ATM machine?”
(A line has formed at the cash. My boss is doing paperwork at the desk behind me. I finish ringing up a customer.)
Me: “Hello there, ma’am. Before I ring you in, would you like a plastic bag today? I only ask because they do cost five cents extra.”
(She looks at me in angry disgust.)
Customer: “You still charge people even though it’s raining outside?! That’s disgusting! Are you proud of yourself?!”
Me: “Since all of the proceeds from plastic bags go to a wildlife preservation foundation, yes. I am proud of myself.”
(The customer stalks away in disgust. I turn around to see my boss staring at me.)
Manager: “Did you just say that?”
Me: “Yup.”
(She raises her hand for a high-five.)
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