(A customer is in my line with a large box. I lean over and hold my hand scanner upside-down to reach it.)
Customer: “Wow! You can scan barcodes upside down now? Technology these days!”
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(The customer hands me a coupon that has been expired for five months.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This coupon expired back in June.”
Customer: “I know. I was diagnosed with cancer and I went to Europe for four months for experimental treatment.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. I do hope your health is improving. Unfortunately, I still can’t accept this coupon. Even if it wasn’t expired, it can’t be used on sale items.”
Customer: “This is a load of s***! You’re going to penalize me for having cancer?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There is nothing I can do.”
Customer: “Don’t give me that crap. I’m going to call my lawyer. You can’t discriminate against me because I have cancer.”
Me: “Sir, there is nothing I can do. The system won’t allow me to override sales.”
Customer: “Let me speak to [Manager].”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’s not in today. I can call another manager.”
Customer: “I know he’s here! You’re just not telling me because he’ll make you give me the discount. I am not leaving until I speak to him.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but [Manager] is not here today. Five months ago, they discovered he had a brain tumor. When they operated on him, it caused a brain bleed and he had a stroke.”
*awkward silence*
Customer’s Wife: “Well, I bet you feel like an a** now! Trying to use cancer as an excuse!”
This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!
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(It is 1995, and I am working in a video rental store.)
Customer: “What do you have in that’s good?”
Me: “Well, we just got Apollo 13 in. It’s the true story of the Apollo mission.”
(The customer looks perplexed.)
Me: “You know. ‘Houston, we have a problem.’”
Customer: “Does it have any aliens in it?”
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Customer: “Excuse me, is your tiger fur made of real tiger?”
Me: “No. All of our furs are fake. It’s made of polyester.”
Customer: “Tigers are made of polyester?”
This story is part of the Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves roundup!
(I am babysitting for a woman who refuses to leave the house. I am outside while her children are playing. She is watching us from the window.)
Me: “[Child], don’t throw rocks. They’re painful.”
(When the child continues to throw the rocks at me, I take the rocks from him and put him in a time-out.)
Mother: *rushing out of the house* “Don’t punish my children! Who do you think you are?”
Me: “Ma’am, my employer requires me to give the children a time-out if they are doing anything dangerous.”
Mother: “Wait, what? I thought you were just here to play with my kids!”
Me: “Well, yes, babysitters usually do some sort of activity with the children.”
Mother: “Why would I hire a babysitter if I’m here?! Why did you come here?”
Me: “Ma’am, you called the company and asked them to send a babysitter to your house.”
Mother: “Don’t punish my children!”
(She chased me out of her yard with a duster. A few weeks later, she called again for a babysitter. She was going to court because a neighbor’s child was hit in the head with a stone.)
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