Archive for 2011

Jump to page:

Don’t Let Grandma Give You A Puck On The Cheeks

| NY, USA | Related | December 30, 2011

(My grandma is incredibly crazy when it comes to hockey. My family is watching the game in the living room when a player on my grandma’s favorite team gets hit.)

Grandma: *gasps* “You can’t shove someone like that! That’s not nice! This is hockey!”

(Everyone rolls their eyes. An hour later, a player on the other team gets hit.)

Grandma: *now blood-thirsty* “Nice hit! He deserved that one!”

(The player gets up.)

Grandma: “Why is he getting up? He shouldn’t be able to get up yet! Why is he getting up?”

(Everyone stares at grandma.)

Grandma: “Oh… uh… I mean…”

(She giggles awkwardly and continues watching quietly.)

Tea Time Until The End Of Time

| NY, USA | Related | December 30, 2011

(My dad is offering the family tea, and he finally offers tea to my grandma. My grandma has a tendency to go off on long tangents over the simplest things.)

Dad: “Hey grandma, do you want tea?”

Grandma: “Tea?”

Dad: “Yes, tea.”

Grandma: “Oh, tea. I remember when I first had tea, it gave me horrible stomach problems…”

(She proceeds to go on for 20 minutes about tea and coffee, and how each affects her body.)

Grandma: “…and coffee was just as bad…and then, when I was forty…”

Me: “Oh, dear God.”

Dad: *aside to me* “I think I can assume that this entire thing was a ‘no’ from her.”

A Crumbling Defense

| NY, USA | Related | December 30, 2011

(My dad and I are having a small argument on who’s more manly.)

Dad: “I’m so much more manly than you, I opened the stupid soda bottle for you.”

Me: “Oh, please. I am so much more manly than–”

(The oven timer dings.)

Me: “Ooh, my cookies are ready!”

(My dad chuckles.)

Me: “Oh shut up, cookies can be manly.”

Dad: “Right.”

Me: “Just for that, you can’t have any.”

(I have a feeling I came out on top in the end.)

Not So Pretty On The Inside

| USA | Romantic | December 30, 2011

(I was talking with my long-distance girlfriend on Skype a few days before we would see each other over Christmas.)

Girlfriend: “Guess what!”

Me: “I don’t know, sweetie, what?”

Girlfriend: “I like you! Guess what else?”

Me: *laughs* “Aw, I like you too! And I don’t know, honey, what?”

Girlfriend: “I pooped twice today.”

Me: “…yay?”

A Fruit Punch

| Richmond, VA, USA | Romantic | December 30, 2011

(I’m pouring seltzer into my orange juice.)

Me: “Blame my mother. I can’t drink juice straight.”

Boyfriend: “This is why you will die in the apocalypse. I love you, but you’ll die.”

Page 3/37512345...Last
« Previous
Next »