(I work in a second-hand clothing store. The store has racks of clothes and a couple of full-length mirrors. A man walks in.)
Customer: “Where are your mirrors for sale?”
Me: “Um, we don’t sell mirrors.”
Customer: “What do you sell?”
Me: “Clothing. We’re a clothing store.”
Customer: “What kind of a place is this?!” *storms out*
(I am checking in my young son).
Front desk: “And what is your son’s date of birth?”
(I want my son to say it so he can learn.)
Son: “The second…”
Front desk: “Of what month?”
Son: *proudly* “October!”
Front desk: “Do you know what year, hun?”
Son: *thinks* “Every year!”
(I am talking with my boyfriend about the special occasion wine I got him for his birthday.)
Boyfriend: “One of these winter nights we’ll sit in front of the fireplace upstairs. Just the two of us.”
Me: “Aww!”
Boyfriend: “With this wine.”
Me: “And some treats?”
Boyfriend: “And some treats, and some music. *kisses me*
Me: “Aww!”
(He farts.)
Me: “Uugh!”
Boyfriend: “What? I can’t have you overflowing with romantic stuff! I had to bring you down a notch, for safety!”
(I run into my ex at the library. We have not dated for a year.)
Ex: “Hey, what’s up?”
Me: “Hey, not too much. Pretty stressed out.”
Ex: “Oh, I’m sorry! I love you!”
Me: *surprised* “Um…cool, see you later!”
(A family is holding a small birthday party. They bring their own cake and ask me to bring the birthday cake out with their ordered dishes. Now, I’m serving another group of customers.)
Customer: *points to birthday group* “Can we have what they got?”
Me: “Sure.”
(The dishes are prepared and I bring them out to the table.)
Customer: “You missed the cake.”
Me: “That was their birthday cake. It isn’t on our menu.”
Customer: “But you brought it out to them.”
Me: “Yes, because it was theirs to begin with.”
Customer: “So, can I have one too?”
Me: “It isn’t ours. They got it elsewhere.”
Customer: “I asked for everything they have.”
Me: “We do not have the cake. It was their own.”
Customer: “But I want one!”
(This continues for several minutes, but they aren’t satisfied.)
Me: *giving up* “Sorry, we are sold out of cakes.”
Customer: “Why didn’t you just say so?!”
