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In Other Words

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(A man is browsing through the lingerie and I approach to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Are you shopping for a gift for your girlfriend?”

Customer: “Naw, it’s for shawty, my hollaback girl!”

Intrinsically Disadvantaged

| Richmond, Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a doctor’s office calling previous patients asking them to rate the quality of their visit. If they rate it “good” or below, I have to ask why and take down the reason. I have just gotten through most of the questions, when I ask the final one.)

Me: “…and would you rate our billing service as excellent, very good, good, fair, or poor?”

Patient: “Oh, good, I guess.”

Me: “Okay, and may I ask why you didn’t rate it excellent or very good?”

Patient: “It’s a BILL!”

Me: *laughing* “All right, I will make sure to make a note of that. Thank you very much and have a wonderful day!”

Thou Shalt Remain Loyal To Employer

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”

Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”

Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”

Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”

Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to hell.”

Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”

Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to hell.”

Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”

Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”