Archive for 2011

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Not Your Dad’s Cowboy Movie

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Right | August 6, 2011

(I’m working in the box office and it’s the opening night of “Brokeback Mountain”. An elderly gentleman and his ten year old grandson walk up to my window.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get you?”

Customer: “One child and one senior for Brokeback Mountain.”

Me: “Sir, just so you know, there’s some scenes that may not be appropriate for children.”

(He pauses and stares blankly.)

Customer: “Oh, it’s nothing that he won’t see in real life!”

(After he leaves, I inform the manager on duty of the situation. About 30 minutes into the movie, we watch as the grandfather and child literally run out of the theater and out of the building.)

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And He Said, Fiat Lux

| Malibu, CA, USA | Right | August 6, 2011

(A guest checks into our hotel late at night. About five minutes later, he comes back to the front desk.)

Guest: “My room’s supposed to have a view of the ocean. I can’t see it. Did you put me in the wrong room?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it is nighttime…”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “Here, I’ll move you to the other ocean view room.”

(I move the guest to the other room. Again, he comes back.)

Guest: “I still can’t see the ocean! I reserved this room specifically for the ocean view!”

Me: “I do apologize. If you still can’t see the ocean in the morning, we’ll give you a discount.”

(The guest reluctantly agrees to this and leaves in a huff. However, he does not return the next morning.)

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Not Your Only Loose Connection

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Right | August 5, 2011

Me: “Thank you for choosing [company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet’s not working.”

Me: “Okay, I can help–”

Customer: “It’s your f***ing network!”

Me: “Okay, I can see your frustra–”

Customer: “[Company] is a piece of s***!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re both people and I’d respect it if you treat me like one.”

Customer: *sigh* “Fix it.”

Me: “Your ethernet cord is unplugged.”

(The customer notices this and plugs in ethernet cord.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

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Please, Say No More

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | August 5, 2011

(An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

Related:
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

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Waste Not, Want Not

| Dayton, OH, USA | Right | August 5, 2011

Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

(The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

(He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”

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