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Customer Service Speaks Your Language

| Clearwater, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

(A customer calls on phone asking for directions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [travel agency], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to pick up my friend getting off the bus depot. Where are you located?

Me: “We are 1/2 mile east of [road], across the street from [sports bar].”

Customer: “What’s that? Could you spell that for me?”

(I proceed to spell the name of the establishment.)

Customer: “Oh, [sports bar]. You should have just said ‘boobies’! That would have been much faster.”

Something Smells Fishy, Part 3

| Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

Customer: “Last night, I was drunk on a boat and I threw my phone overboard. Now it is on the bottom of the lake. Can you send someone to pick it up for an exchange?”

Me: “I thought I heard you said it is on the bottom of a lake.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. Can you send someone?”

Me: “No, we cannot send someone to the bottom of the lake to pick it up. Also, since you don’t have your phone, we can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “But I do have it, it’s in the bottom of the lake.”

Me: “Then, you don’t have it.”

Customer: “But, I do have it. I mean, it’s not in my hands but I know where it is, so it counts as if I had it.”

Me: “No, it doesn’t, sir. Besides, we need to have the phone first in order to send you a replacement.”

Customer: “I do have it. It’s at the bottom of the lake!”

Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

Customer: “How do you know it has liquid damage?”

Me: “The phone is at the bottom of a lake!”

Related:
Something Smells Fishy, Part 2
Something Smells Fishy

Santa Thanks You For Your Consideration

| Helsinki, Finland | Food & Drink

(A customer is inquiring about restaurants in the vicinity of the hotel and I’ve offered him a few suggestions.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help. Now, I have one more question, if that’s okay?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Is all the meat in Helsinki reindeer meat?”

Me: “Do you mean in the Finnish restaurants?”

Customer: “No, everywhere. Is it possible to get beef, or pork, for example?”

Me: “Yes, you can get pretty much any kind of meat here. Reindeer is a specialty meat, even for most Finns.”

Customer: “Oh, ok! I used to live in Alaska and reindeer was the only meat you could get there. Thanks for your help, again!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”