Archive for 2011

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Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3

| Vestavia, AL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

(A customer approaches me with a box set of the Twilight novels.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my 13 year old granddaughter and I think she would like these. My wife said to look at them. Don’t they promote abstinence?”

Me: “Well, sort of. The two main characters do end up sleeping together in the final book, though they are married. There’s some uncomfortable gore, though. I wouldn’t recommend it for a 13 year old.”

Customer: *confused* “I was told these would be great for her. What kind of gore do you mean?”

Me: “Well, the girl ends up getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby and, er, the male main character sort of rips it out of her with his teeth.”

Customer: *drops books in horror* “That’s horrific! And these are for teenage girls? Why would people read that?”

Me: “I wonder the same thing myself, sir.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

Computer See, Computer Do

| Dublin, Ireland | Technology

Customer: “So, I bought this printer from you and set it all up. My computer keeps saying ‘printer not found’.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t sound right. Could you tell me what you have tried so far?”

Customer: “Well, I turned the screen towards the printer, but the computer still keeps telling me that it can’t find the printer…”

The Devil You Know

| New York, USA | Religion, Top

(I am getting ready to wash a resident’s open wound. While I am putting on my gloves, the resident sees that I am wearing a ring that marks me as a member of a certain Christian sect. It is a sect that many other Christians do not consider to be Christian, and there is a fair bit of prejudice towards us.)

Resident: “Is there anyone else who could do this?”

Me: “[Coworker] is the only other person on the unit today qualified to do this. Is something wrong?”

Resident: “Your ring. I don’t want to be touched by one of you demons. You’re a sex-crazed cult.”

Me: “I am sorry you feel that way, ma’am. If you’re uncomfortable with me, I can certainly get [coworker].”

Resident: “I’m so glad you’re here. Her lifestyle is just so sex-crazed and evil. It’s frankly un-Christian!”

Coworker: “You do know that she is a virgin who has never smoked or drank in her life and carries a picture of Christ in her wallet, right?”

Resident: *speechless*

Coworker: “Oh, and one more thing. I’m an atheist, I live with a man I’m not married to, and I have three kids.”