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Stripped Of Your Cash

| Tampa, FL, USA | Money, Rude & Risque

(The cardholder sounds very very drunk.)

Caller: “Why did you let the card take out $5,000?”

Me: “It shows that you did an ATM withdrawal for $5,000 in Las Vegas, NV. Was this you?”

Caller: “No! It was the stripper she took it. She took it! Why did you let her take it?”

Me: “Your card was stolen by a stripper?”

Caller: “No, no, no! Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand. What happened?”

Caller: “I wanted a lap dance. So, I gave the stripper my card and PIN number to get money.”

Me: “You gave her your card and PIN and told her to get $5000?”

Caller: “No! Why aren’t you listening to me? I told the stripper to get $300 for my lap dance.”

Me: “So, she took too much money?”

Caller: “Why did you let her? When is she coming back? I want my lap dance.”

(This goes on for a little while with the caller slurring his speech and stuttering.)

Caller: “Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Caller: “Fine! Don’t help me. I’ll go back to the tables and win back my fortune!”

Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

| Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like you to check how much my prescriptions are. My name is [name].”

Me: “You have two prescriptions waiting for you. Each one is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, how much does each one cost?”

Me: “$2.50 each.”

Customer: “So, one is $2.50. How much is the other one?”

Me: “Each of your two prescriptions is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, if I give you $5, how much will my change be?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Customer: *hangs up*

User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

| Australia | Extra Stupid

(We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

(I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

(The customer puts it in the middle.)

Me: “No, the top left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

(The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “20 cents.”

(The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)