Archive for 2011

Jump to page:

You Need The Male Order Catalogue

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Right | August 16, 2011

(I work at a retail store as a tech person. We also work the sales floor. A lady walks in and and I go over to help her.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you look for anything?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a husband.”

Me: “What does he look like?”

Customer: “No, I’m looking for a husband!”

1 Thumbs
1,431
VOTES

Live Wires Are Stupid Magnets

| Wilmington, NC, USA | Right | August 16, 2011

Customer: “Excuse me, I have these wires that are red, black, and white, coming out of my drywall in my garage. I touched them and they did not appear live. I need to do something with them so I can patch the wall.”

Me: “Okay, we can get some caps for you and some electrical tape. Just cap each one individually and wrap them individually with the tape and
you can tuck them back into the wall without any issues.”

Customer: “Should I test them to see if they are live? Should I touch them to my tongue?”

Me: “No!”

1 Thumbs
1,642
VOTES

Schrödinger’s Whipped Cream

| Scranton, PA, USA | Right | August 16, 2011

(This customer orders a hot drink, which is served in a regular paper cup. You can’t see the drink through it.)

Customer: “I asked for whipped cream on my drink.”

Me: “I know. I made sure there was whipped cream.”

Customer: “But, I can’t see it.”

Me: “Well, that’s because it’s inside the cup.”

Customer: “Oh…”

1 Thumbs
1,491
VOTES

Trust Me, You’re (Not) A Doctor

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | August 16, 2011

Me: “Hello, this is ***** Healthcare line. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling because my son just ate a bunch of ants.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your son ate ants?”

Caller: “Yes! I was wondering if I need to take him to the hospital and see a doctor.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think you need to worry. I don’t think the ants will make him sick, but I advise that he doesn’t eat any more of them.”

Caller: “Well, I gave him some ant killer to get rid of them.”

Caller’s friend: “Get him to the emergency room, now!”

1 Thumbs
2,755
VOTES

You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

| Southern Utah, USA | Right | August 15, 2011

(I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

(She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

Related:
You Drive Me Crazy

1 Thumbs
1,130
VOTES
Page 185/374First...183184185186187...Last