(I work in a store where we blend toppings in with the ice cream. The prices for addition “mix-ins” are posted in giant numbers.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a small cake batter with Oreos, Heath Bar, M&Ms, fudge, and peanut butter sauce!”

Me: “Okay, coming up!”

(At the register.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $x.xx”

Customer: “What?! It says on your board that it is $3!”

Me: “Yes, but you got additional toppings, which increase the price.”

Customer: “Numbers aren’t real! Only scientologists believe in numbers! Why should I have to pay if I don’t believe in numbers?”

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(I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

Patron: “I have a question.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

Me: “Line policies?”

Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

Customer #1: “So, Obama Bin Laden was found dead in a house in Iraq, or something.”

Customer #2: “But, I heard it was Al Qaeda who was found dead.”

Customer #1: “Who told you that?”

Customer #2: “I don’t know. I heard it on Facebook, or something.”

Customer #1: “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet!”

(A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

Customer: “No, no, no… an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay if that’s not too much troub–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

(Two boys around the age of fifteen walk in without an adult. They order food that the average teenager cannot pay for. After they’re done eating, I come with the bill.)

Me: “Here is the bill.”

(They look at it. The total is about $107.)

Boy: “That’s a lot of cash. Let’s run!”

Me: “You better not, sir.”

Boy: “How’d you hear us? We were using telepathy!”