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Got Love In The Bank

| UK | Health & Body, Top

(I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

Me: “You need to call 999.”

Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

Me: “Call 999.”

Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

Me: “No, call 999!”

Customer: “Take his name off!”

Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

Me: “No! Call 999!”

(Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

Customer: “In the car.”

(I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)

Related:
She’s Nuts About Her Husband
Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

Sleepless Sleep Aids

| South West England, UK | Extra Stupid

(A woman comes to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I see you’ve got [sleep aid]. Does it come in a non-drowsy version?”

The Silver (Bra) Lining

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

(I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

Patient: “Let him touch me!”