Caller: “So, my item has been stuck in the shopping cart with the little thingy spinning for the last twenty minutes.”

Me: “By any chance have you tried refreshing your screen?”

Caller: “Of course. I’ve tried that three times now.”

Me: “And what happened when you refreshed, sir?”

Caller: “The screen went black then came back on the screen with the spinny-thingy.”

Me: “Sir, it sounds like you’re turning your monitor on and off, not refreshing the screen.”

Caller: “Well, it looks refreshed to me!”

This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

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Customer: “Excuse me, I sent a letter last week but it came back. Can you tell me why?”

Me: “Sure, do you have it with you?”

(The customer hands it over. It doesn’t take long to figure out the problem.)

Me: “Oh, okay. You’re going to need a valid house address to have it sent.”

Customer: “I did put the address!”

Me: “That’s an email address, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s valid. I checked!”

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Customer: “Why is Star Trek on the wall?”

Me: “It’s a new release, sir. Interested in renting it?”

Customer: “Son, Star Trek is a tool of the Devil. I demand that you remove it from your shelves!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “God forgive you for corrupting the youth of America!”

Customer: “Hi, um, my car was stolen.”

Me: “Well, okay, let’s go out and see where you’re parked.”

(We walk into the parking lot.)

Me: “Okay, where did you park?”

Customer: “Right there, where the Prius is parked! God d*** tree-hugging Democrat piece of s***!”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s go inside and call the police.”

(While we wait for the police to come she makes some phone calls and then comes back into the office.)

Customer: “Sorry, never mind. Turns out I drove the Prius today and not the Honda.”

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Customer: “This negative customer feedback uses someone’s name, so it should be removed.”

Me: *reading the comment* “Ma’am, the customer said, ‘Paying extra for shipping didn’t do jack.’ ‘Jack’ refers to a phrase, not a name.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never heard that before. You say it’s a phrase, but to me it’s a name, and that’s personal information, and it should be removed.”

Me: “Well, is there someone in your organization named ‘Jack’?”

Customer: “No, there isn’t. I don’t know where she got that name from, but she’s up to something and you’re letting her get away with it!”

This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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