Me: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How may I be of assistance?”

Caller: “Yeah, my son said he wanted to check out some CDs. Do you guys have CDs?”

Me: “Of course. Can you tell me what type of CD he’s looking for?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean is he looking for audiobooks, computer games, music?”

Caller: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “I’m sorry, let me be more clear. Did he want–”

Caller: “No, I mean I don’t understand what you said before.”

Me: “I was just asking if you knew what type of CD he was looking for. Like audiobooks, or music, or–”

Caller: “Wait, what’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Caller: “That thing you just said.”

Me: “What, music?”

Caller: “Yeah, what’s that?”

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [Cellphone Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I came into your store today and you sold me a defective phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What is your full name and phone number so I can pull up your account?”

Customer: *gives information*

Me: “Okay, thanks. I see you bought a [phone]. What seems to be the problem?

Customer: “The keyboard on this piece of s*** won’t come out!”

Me: “Have you tried sliding it the other way?”

*really long pause*

Customer: “Well thanks a lot, b****! Now you made me feel like a f****** idiot!” *click*

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(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

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Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Reasons Why Healthcare Workers Should Rule The World

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Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy this table saw, but I only want to pay $300.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the price is $400.”

Customer: “But I only want to pay $300!”

(This goes back and forth three or four times.)

Customer: “Tell you what. Take $100 off the table saw and I might come in next week and buy that!” *points to a $20 tool*

Me: “Sorry, sir but I’m not taking $100 off an item just because you buy a $20 item in a week.”

Customer: “You clearly don’t know how to run a business!”