Customer: “I think my dog is allergic to this food I bought here.”

Me: “That’s too bad. Would you like to exchange it for another kind?”

Customer: “It’s the fish in it. I thought fish was good for dogs.”

Me: “It is unless they are allergic to it; every dog is different. Why don’t you try this one? It has duck in it.”

Customer: “Duck? Duck is fish!”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Well, what is it, then?”

Me: “Ducks are birds.”

Customer: “But they go in the water!”

This story is part of our Stupid Pet Owners roundup!

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(A man brings in his father, who doesn’t speak a word of English.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how much are your rooms?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms here.”

Customer: “Oh, not your room, sorry. I mean, how much does it cost for you to take care of my father?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “He has some issues and, frankly, I don’t think I want him around anymore.”

Me: “Sir, this is not a hotel or a nursing home.”

Customer: “This isn’t Social Services?”

Me: “No, this is [non-profit] Social Services, and we don’t offer what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Look, how much is it going to cost me to leave here today without my father with me?”

(It is 2010.)

Caller: “Hi, I asked you to pierce my daughter’s ears earlier, but apparently you won’t do it. I think that’s unacceptable!”

(Note: the caller sounds about 14.)

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry about that. If I can just confirm some details with you, I’ll note it down and you can send her back in. Can I get her name and date of birth?”

(The caller confirms the name, and the date of birth as the 10th April 1996.)

Me: “And can I confirm your date of birth please?”

Caller: “The 12th, of September 1996.”

Me: “…1996?”

Caller: *hangs up*

This story is part of our Fake ID roundup!

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Me: “Hi, ma’am. Are you interested in buying a car?”

Customer: “What kind of car is this?”

Me: “This is the new [Model].”

Customer: “Wait! I haven’t seen one of those since the 1990s!”

Me: “Yes, our brand actually brought out a new–”

Customer: “So you have a car here from the 1990s, still have a new sticker price on it, and expect me to pay full price?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a new car.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? You people know nothing about the car business! Why would you openly advertise that you couldn’t sell a car for over ten years? That tells me you’re an awful business!”

Me: “But ma’am, it’s not a car actually from a decade ago. It’s a remake of that car. It was made this year.”

Customer: “Either you’re a liar or this car company is a joke! This is why the recession took place, because of this!”

(An elderly customer is checking out.)

Customer: “How do I use this card?”

Me: “All you have to do is slide it through, then push the ‘debit’ button on the left.”

Customer: “Thanks. What does ‘PIN’ mean?”

Me: “Your PIN is the number that goes with your card. You just need to enter it in and hit the green button in the corner.”

Customer: “Okay, but turn around. I don’t need you stealing my money away.”

(I think she is joking, but she stares at me until I turn around. She then states each number in her pin out loud as she pushes the buttons.)

Customer: “You didn’t peek, did you?”

This story is part of the More-Customers-Bad-With-Money roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Ridiculous Stories About Weird Customers You’ll Meet At The Bank

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