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The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

(It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager, in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

Town Manager: “Thank you!”

Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

Town Manager: *scowling* “Well they do look nice, but unfortunately the children like them too.

Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

Me: “You suggested what?”

Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

(I am stunned and silent.)

Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea either.”

Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”

Leuk Who’s Talking

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(A lady jumps the extremely long line to see Santa.)

Lady: “Hey, do you mind if we go next? My son actually has leukemia and we need to get to the hospital to get his treatment.”

Child: “Mum, I don’t have leukemia.”

Lady: “I told you to SHUT UP!”

Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

| Germantown, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

8-year old son: “Want to hear a joke?

5-year old son: “Yeah!”

8-year old son: “Knock knock.”

5-year old son: “Who’s there?”

8-year old son: “Merry!”

5-year old son: “Merry who?”

8-year old son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

(I laugh.)

Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”