Archive for 2009

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Please Press Any Brain Cell To Continue

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Me: “Alright, and can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

Customer: *really, really long pause*

Customer: *customer looks back at cashier, still waiting*

Customer: *still silent*

Customer’s son: “Mom.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s son: “She asked for the zip code.”

Customer: “I know. I told her she could have it!”

Customer’s son: *says the zip code*

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize she wanted me to give it to her!”

Can’t Cedar Forest For The Trees

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Customer: “These Christmas trees all look so fake! I want to get one fresh from the Everglades!”

(I chuckle, and then realize he is serious.)

Me: “Sir, the Everglades aren’t exactly known for there Christmas trees.”

Customer: “Oh yeah! I forgot, it’s all frozen.”

Me: “No sir, the Everglades are in the middle of Florida.”

Customer: “Oh, well I was never good at geometry anyway.”

Christmas Is All Pope & Circumstance

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Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [church’s name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know why the time of the Christmas Eve mass was changed.”

Me: “There was a scheduling conflict with the Christmas Carol Concert. I’m sorry if it’s caused an inconvenience for you.”

Customer: “It has. Many of them.”

Me: “I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “You’ll change it back, then?”

Me: “Um, no. See, there’s still the scheduling conflict.”

Customer: “But I have plans at the mass’s new time! I need you to change it back!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m really not in charge of that decision.”

Customer: “I am not getting off the phone until you change it back.”

Me: “There really isn’t anything I can do for you. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Have you called the Pope and told him about this? Call the Pope and tell him that your priests have changed the mass time. He’ll fix it.”

Me: “I actually don’t have his number on me.”

Customer: “I’ll hold.”