(While working at the drive-thru, a customer puts in a lengthy order. Before I can tell him the price, he peels out, driving up to the window.)

Me: “That will be $21.54, please…” *I take his money* “May I please ask that you pull up just a bit? We’ll have someone run your order out to you as soon as it’s done.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Sir, can you please pull forward?”

Customer: “I don’t have my order yet.”

Me: “Sir, you had a large order. We’re going to get it for you, but some of what you asked for takes time. We’ll bring it to you. But we need to keep the line moving, too.”

Customer: *no response*

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Can you please drive up?”

Customer: “But I don’t have my order…”

(I tried to hand him the first tray of drinks, but he ignored them. Same thing for the sandwiches. In a last ditch effort, I handed him his coffee. He accepted the coffee but immediately drove off, leaving $18.46 in change, 4 sandwiches, and 3 frozen drinks. He never returned for the rest of his order.)

(I work in a church, and answer our public phone.)

Caller: “Hey… I need y’all to come out to [Motel] and take me to the airport.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.”

Caller: “Oh, and bring forty-five dollars.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot come pick you up.”

Caller: “What? I just came to your crummy town for a weekend and now I gotta get back home. Why the h*** aren’t you helping me? I just need a ride and forty-five dollars!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t.”

Caller: “Ain’t y’all a church? Why don’t you get off your lazy a** and come get me?”

Me: “Sir, I am not accustomed to meeting strange men at motels.”

Caller: “Well, it’s obvious YOU ain’t a Christian!”

Customer: “Hello. I bought this phone from you and I accidentally got some orange juice on it.”

Me: “Okay, well, if it didn’t get too much on it, it might be okay. Is it turning on?”

Customer: “No.”

(I take the phone and it has a lot of moisture damage.)

Me: “It looks like there’s quite a lot of juice on this.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not juice. I ran it under the tap to get the juice off!”

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Me: “What type of Internet do you have?”

Customer: “Internet Explorer.”

Me: “No, sorry, I meant what type of Internet, like your ISP?”

Customer: “Internet.”

Me: “No, what type.”

Customer: “Uh… modem?”

Me: “What kind of modem?”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “Is it plugged into a phone cable or a coaxial cable? Like a cable you’d plug into your TV.”

Customer: “It’s plugged in to…  the wall.”

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(I coach an Advanced Recreational group of kids aged 11-14. I’m spotting one of the boys on the high bar when his arm slips and he elbows me in the face.)

Me: “Thanks. Please try not to do that again.”

Child: “Sorry!” *laughs*

(He tries it again, and elbows me in the face again. This time, my lip is bleeding so I go over to the door to spit the blood out of my mouth into the garbage. As I’m doing this, one of the dads that is watching from the lobby runs in.)

Dad: “That was freakin’ amazing!”

Me: “What was?”

Dad: “From the lobby, it looked like he elbowed you in the face, you thanked him, and asked him for another. Then you came and spat your blood into the garbage as a show of dominance over the rest of them. FRICKIN’ AWESOME!” *high fives me*

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