Archive for 2009

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Customer Of The Week: Fathead

| | Right | January 15, 2009

Customer Of The Week: Fathead
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

He Who Eats Less, Laughs Best

, | | Right | January 14, 2009

(While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.)

Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?”

Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk and non-fat chocolate.

Me: “Oh, Ok…I’ll have that done for you in just a second.”

(Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:)

Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?”

Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers….”

Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.”

Me: “Thanks for that advice.”

(While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add 5 pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.)

Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.”

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Your Forecast For Today: Dark

| | Right | January 14, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen – ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ – how do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

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A Bit Nutty

| | Right | January 14, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. What is the problem with your telephone line?”

Customer: “The squirrels.”

Me: “The–what? Sorry?”

Customer: “Those damn squirrels are watching me.”

Me: “Uh…do you have a problem with your telephone line?”

Customer: “Yes, the squirrels have nested on it, and they watch me while I’m sleeping…”

Me: “I’m sure they’re not.”

Customer: “You calling me a liar?”

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You Look Nothing Like Your Ad

| | Right | January 13, 2009

(A family group was checking in – one lady in the group started telling me about her husband’s recent death from cancer.)

Customer: “…and he was all eaten up with colon cancer, and he just died.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that is really not any of my business. It seems like a very private matter….”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I’m not comfortable hearing–”

Customer: “Are you a Christian?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “I knew it! You are evil, and will burn in hell. I’ll speak to your manager in the morning!”

Me: “Ok. That’s fine.”

Customer: “I hope you liked your former job.”

Me: “…”

(The group went to their rooms. A few minutes later, one of the adult daughters came to the desk.)

Me: “Yes, Ma’am?”

Customer’s Daughter: “I just came down because I wanted to see what pure evil looks like.”

Me: “…”

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