Archive for 2009

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As Long As You’re Happy

| | Right | January 16, 2009

Customer: “If I buy a popcorn, can I get a drink for $2?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; everything is full price.”

Customer: “My man that I’m dating is such a cheapskate! He only gave me $5! He’s such an a**hole! *pause* “You need to find a rich one.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah.”

Customer: *leans across the counter and lowers her voice* “A rich one…who’s good in bed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *as an afterthought* “I guess he should have a good heart, too.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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That’s Commitment

| | Right | January 15, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling your local 24-hour pharmacy, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, what time do you close?”

Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. How can you put up with that?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “So if I show up at 4 in the morning with a prescription, you’d be there?”

Me: “Yes sir, we’d be open.”

Customer: “And what time do you open?”

Me: “Sir…we never close, we are always open. Think of it like a 24-hour diner; there’s always someone here to help you.”

Customer: “Oh man, that must stink – when do you get time to go home and sleep?!”

Me: “Er…we have cots in the back.”

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Airtight Conclusions For Windbags

| | Right | January 15, 2009

(A customer comes in attempting to return a worn, filthy $39 dress that’s covered with hair.)

Me: “Our company’s policy states that we cannot return worn merchandise. I’m sorry, but we can’t give you your refund.”

Customer: “I never wore this. I want my money back.”

Me: “Ma’am, the dress is stained with your makeup, and has your hair on it. I refuse to take this item back.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your store manager.”

Me: “I am the store manager.”

Customer: *takes a few steps back* “Look at me. I’m dressed head to toe in your clothing. I make more money in a year than you will in a lifetime.”

Me: “That may be so, but I’m still not taking your dress back. It seems that the price shouldn’t be an issue for you.”

Customer: “You don’t know who I am. You’ll be lucky to have a job in the morning!”

Me: “If you earn as much as you say, wouldn’t my year of unemployment cost more out of your income taxes than the price of the dress?”

Customer: *storms off*

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What A Tangled Web We Weave

| | Right | January 15, 2009

(A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*

Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”

Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”

Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”

Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”

(I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)

Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….”

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Customer Of The Week: Fathead

| | Right | January 15, 2009

Customer Of The Week: Fathead
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

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