Archive for 2009

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Stupidity On Tap

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(I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

Me: “…the keg?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “What? Why?!”

Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

Desktop Hunters And Gatherers

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(A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.)

Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?”

Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.”

Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.”

Me: “Are you going to buy one?”

Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?”

Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.”

(He goes over, finds a low end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.)

Customer: “Ya, its not workin’.”

Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?”

Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.”

Me: “Looked better… how?”

Customer: “The paint was shinier.”

Tip Of The Day: How To Apply For A Federal Bailout

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Me: “Alright sir, you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you today?”

Bank customer: *jokingly* “Yeah, you can deposit a million dollars into my account.”

Me: “Sir, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d have a million dollars.”

Bank customer: *hangs up laughing*