Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. What is the problem with your telephone line?”

Customer: “The squirrels.”

Me: “The… what? Sorry?”

Customer: “Those d*** squirrels are watching me.”

Me: “Uh… do you have a problem with your telephone line?”

Customer: “Yes, the squirrels have nested on it, and they watch me while I’m sleeping…”

Me: “I’m sure they’re not.”

Customer: “You calling me a liar?”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

Read the next Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup story!

Read the Customers-Who-Make-You-Say-WTF roundup!

This story is part of our Squirrel roundup!

Read the next Squirrel roundup story!

Read the Squirrel roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Technical Support]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen — ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal.’  How do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

(While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.)

Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?”

Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk, and non-fat chocolate.

Me: “Oh, okay… I’ll have that done for you in just a second.”

(Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:)

Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?”

Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers…”

Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.”

Me: “Thanks for that advice.”

(While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add five pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.)

Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Mobile Customer Service], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, there’s something wrong with my phone. It won’t take pictures.”

Me: “Is it a camera phone?”

Customer: “No.”

(I overhear my coworker have this exchange while helping a patron.)

Coworker: “What can I help you find?”

Patron: “I need pictures from when they used to tie small cameras to birds to take aerial photos.”

Coworker: “Well, I don’t think that we would have any books for that – let me look online.”

Patron: “I kinda need this right away; my class starts in ten minutes.”

Coworker: “I’m looking as fast as I can.”

Patron: “Well, f***ing look faster! I am going to fail this class now, and it’s all because of you!”

Coworker: “I found your photos. I’ll send them to the printer right now; it will be 50 cents for the print.”

Patron: “What the f***? You expect me to PAY for the prints?”

Coworker: “Yes, yes I do.”

(The patron hands over the money while swearing under his breath.)

Coworker: “Enjoy.”

(She hands him the papers and he runs out, but not thirty seconds later he runs back in.)

Patron: “I need pictures of the f***ing birds, not the pictures that they took!”

Coworker: *as she turns off her computer* “Well, it looks like our system is down. You’ll have to come back at a later time.”

Patron: *storms out*