Archive for 2009

Jump to page:

That’s A Lot Of Tubes

, | Uncategorized

(A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my internet.”

Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my internet!”

Me: “Umm…do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

Customer: “No man, I wanna pawn my internet! My INTERNET!”

Me: “Like…your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

(She never came back.)

Related:
Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google
Internet = Tubes, Word = Sheets

The Patient Finally Runs Out Of Patience

| Top

(I am a phlebotomist and go around drawing blood at the hospital all day. I am drawing blood on the rehab floor where patients are generally doing well. I start to draw one patient’s blood when his wife runs into the room.)

Patient’s wife: “Oh my God! What are you doing?!”

Me: “I’m from the lab and I’m just getting some blood.”

Patient’s wife: “What?! Why?! What is wrong with my husband?!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is all pretty routine blood work.”

(Hearing the commotion, the nurse runs in.)

Nurse: “Ma’am, the insurance company asked we get this blood work since it has been awhile. I assure you nothing is wrong.”

Patient’s wife: “No, you’re lying! My husband is dying and no one will tell me why!”

(Suddenly, the patient himself speaks up.)

Patient, to wife: “D*** it! Sometimes I wish you were dying!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

My Cup Runneth Over With Confusion

| Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like three vanilla soft serve, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Would you like that in a cup or a cone?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “One is in a cup, and one is in a cone.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll have them in cups.”

(I make the soft serve, put them in cups and hand them to the customer.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. They’re in plastic cups.”

Me: “I thought you said you wanted them in cups.”

Customer: “By cup, I thought you meant, like…a cup cone. Some kind of cone in the shape of a cup!”