Archive for 2009

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And Here’s To You, Fido Robinson

| Top

Me: “Hello, Mrs. ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m very upset because you have my dog’s name before my last name here on this check-in sheet!”

Me: “Well, that’s because we print out the pet’s first name and your last name so we know who the pet belongs to.”

Customer: “But this is horrible! It is though you are saying I am married to my dog! I’m not into bestiality!”

Me: “No, it is more that we are trying to say that you are like the pet’s parent.”

Customer: “You are saying that I gave birth to a dog?!”

Me:” No…I’m really sorry, but the computer prints out the pet’s first and the owner’s last name. It is part of the system and I cannot change it.”

Customer: “It’s the computer’s fault?”

Me: “Yes. I am so sorry, but I cannot change the program. It does this for every pet.”

Customer: “Then black out the name on the paper so nobody thinks I am married to him!”

Diaper Baby Buffet Dumpers

| Family & Kids

(I’m a customer coming back from the buffet line with food and notice another customer changing her baby’s diaper, right in the middle of the seating area.)

Me: “Madam? You can’t do that here.”

Customer: “This won’t be too long!”

Me: “That’s a table–you can’t change your baby there!”

Customer: “Yes, I can! I just need to be quick! You can just clean this!”

Me: “I happen to be a health inspector and–”

Customer: “S***!” *runs away with the baby, leaving the dirty diaper on the table*

Me: “–that was my table right there.”

Bus boy: “Let me move you to a new table…”

Hope For The Best, Prepare For The 50 Megaton Blast

| Uncategorized

(I work in an electronics & gas appliance store. A customer is inquiring about fireplaces.)

Customer: “I would like a power flue, but if the electricity cuts out I’ll be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “We’re pretty lucky here, though. The electricity very rarely cuts out.”

Customer: “But…what if they drop a bomb?!”

Supervisor: “Well, um…we’d all be dead, so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Customer: “No, not necessarily. Unfortunately, some of us will survive, and we will be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “How…unfortunate?”