Archive for 2009

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Never-Fail Conversation Starters

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Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m 17.”

Customer: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “No, no! You’re 4.6 billion years old! You’re older than me, and you’re older than your parents. Jesus is inside you!”

Me: “Er…can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Oh, can I borrow a pen?”

Land Of The Free, Home Of the Single-Minded

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(This takes place in 2008, when George W. Bush was still president. A customer brings a book filled with his quotes to the register.)

Customer: “What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t believe you guys would really sell these books here. He’s still our president, and he deserves respect!

Me: “I’m sorry if the books offend you sir, but we offer them for customers who have different opinions.”

Customer: “This is America! We should all have the same opinion!” *storms out with his purchase*

I’m Too Sexy For My Kitchen

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(A customer brings me the bowl from a salad spinner set.)

Customer: “How much is this hat?”

Me: “Ma’am, that goes to a salad set. It’s not a hat.”

(She doesn’t understand, so I tell her I’ll find the price. I come back with the whole set.)

Me: “You see ma’am, this is used to dry salad after you wash it. You turn the handle and–”

Customer: “I only want the hat, not the box and the hat!” *walks off*