Archive for 2009

Jump to page:

Wired For The Stone Age

, | San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Top

(I walk up to an older man playing with an iPhone in our electronics store.)

Me: “Hello sir, do you need any help?”

Customer: “Naw, but I was wondering…why does this darn thing work with my finger, but not my fingernails?”

Me: “Well, your body has electricity running through it, but your fingernails don’t conduct–”

Customer: “Electricity in my body? My body?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We all have electricity running through our bodies.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! D*** technology! We didn’t have that s*** prancin’ around our bodies in back in my day!”

Me: “Sir, we’ve always–”

Customer: “Forget it! What’s the d*** world coming to?” *walks away mumbling*

The Ferocity Of Generosity

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m waiting on a table who is celebrating a child’s birthday. They’ve just finished eating.)

Me: “Are we ready for our check?”

Customer #1: “I’ll take it.”

Customer #2: “No, I can’t let you pay for me!”

Customer #1: “I’m paying! It’s [child’s] birthday!”

Customer #2, to me: “Give me my check, now!”

(I hand customer #2 her check from my book, but customer #1 starts crying hysterically.)

Customer #1, to me: “I’m never coming to this place again! How dare you treat me this way!”

(I apologize and go to process the check. Later on, I run into customer #1 and her husband as they are leaving the restaurant; she’s still sobbing hysterically.)

Husband of customer #1: “What in the h*** do you put in your tilapia?!”

Do As I Do, Not As I Say

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks into our sandwich shop with her very young son.)

Customer’s son: “I want a sandwich!”

Customer: “When we want something, we ask politely, remember?”

Customer’s son: “But I want chips!”

Customer: “No, dear, you ask, ‘May I please have some chips?'”

Me: “What will you be ordering today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want a kid’s meal!”

Related:
Do As I Yell, Not As I Do
Do As I Shout, Not As I Do