Archive for 2009

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Brainless Through The Looking Glass

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(I’m stocking milk when I see a customer tapping the mirror that reflects back down on the groceries in the refrigerated section.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could open this case so I can get to the eggs on the other side?”

Me: “All the eggs should be in the same place.”

Customer: “No, I want the ones in the case.”

(She starts tapping the mirror above the eggs again.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a mirror.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “There are no other eggs, it’s a reflection of the same eggs.”

Customer: “But I want those eggs!”

And On The Eighth Day, He Created Fax

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Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [mortgage company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like an application for your assistance program.”

Me: “Certainly! We’ve actually put the application online for your convenience, so you can complete it and submit it right there on our website.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t use computers. Technology usage is against my religious beliefs. Can you just fax me the application?”

Me: “Erm…absolutely!”

MSRP: My Suggested Retail Price

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Customer: “Ooh, don’t you have lovely eyes? You’re like a little china doll!”

Me: “Uh, thanks…is that like a porcelain doll?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! A porcelain doll! from Europe! Your skin is so pale, and your eyes are so big! Oh my, you do look just like a china doll! I bet you have so many different outfits! And a little house! And lots of hats!

Coworker: *joking* “Actually, she’s a collector’s item. Very rare. A one-off, in fact.”

Customer, to me: “LIFT UP YOUR HAIR!”

Me: “Why?!”

Customer: “I need to see your stamp of authenticity!”