Me: “Would you like this gift wrapped?”
Customer: “Yes, I would.”
Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt. Just head to the back of the store in about five min–”
(The customer eats the receipt.)
Me: “Oh… um, you actually need that to collect your purchase from gift wrap…”
(The customer spits the receipt onto the counter.)
Customer: “It didn’t taste very good anyway.”
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for high-heeled running shoes.”
Me: “Um… we don’t make high-heeled running shoes.”
Customer: “That’s impossible! I bought some here last year!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’ve been working here for two years, and I can assure you that we have never carried high-heeled running shoes.”
Customer: “Well, where can I find some?”
Me: “I’m pretty sure those don’t exist. Heels would defeat the purpose of a running shoe.”
Customer: “Fine! I’m not shopping here ever again!” *storms out*
Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”
Caller: “I want to check the status of my form to withdrawal my account.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you gave conflicting information on the form. In the section where it asked if you were married, you marked both ‘Yes’ and ‘No.'”
Caller: “…and?”
Me: “Well, sir, that is conflicting information, so it was kicked out of the system.”
Caller: “So, what should I mark?”
Me: “Well, are you married or not?”
Caller: “I’m married… but I don’t like her.”
Me: “It sounds like you’re separated, but just to check, are you legally married?”
Caller: “Yes, but I don’t feel like I’m married.”
Me: “If you aren’t legally divorced, you’ll need to mark that you are married.”
Caller: “But I don’t LIKE her!”
(A lady comes into our sandwich shop and orders a sub. Everything is normal until…)
Customer: “Could I get mayonnaise?”
Me: “Sure”.
(I put the mayonnaise on the sandwich.)
Customer: *orgasm noise* “Mooooore.”
Me: “Okay…”
Customer: *orgasm noise* “More mayonnaise!”
(I honestly think a little bit of my spirit died that day.)
Me: “…and your total comes to $4.45.”
Customer: “Well, I’m a close friend with the owner and he told me that you’ll hook me up with the drink.”
Me: “I’m sorry, unless he told me directly I can’t do that for you.”
Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”
Me: “Yes.”
(Coincidentally, Bob, the owner, shows up so I give him his usual coffee.)
Me: “Here you are, Bob!”
Customer: “Oh, so you can hook that jerk-off up with a free drink but not me?”
Me: “Sir, it’s not polite to call your close friend a jerk-off.”
This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Caught-Lying-themed roundup!
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