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The Funny Pharm-acy

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(I work in a shopping mall. On my lunch break, I visit the pharmacy. A woman runs into me.)

Customer: “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

Me: “In my cupboard.”

Customer: “How dare you talk to me that way! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, so now you’re going to get into trouble, it’s ‘I don’t work here’, eh?”

Me: *pointing to the company logo on my shirt* “No, I genuinely do not work here. I work in [shop name], see?”

Customer: “So you don’t wear your uniform either? Where’s your manager?” *turns to make-up counter employee* “Are you her manager, missy?”

Make-up Counter Employee: “Yes, yes I am.” *turns to me, winking* “Don’t do that again.”

Customer: “Thank you! See, now I can shop here again!” *to make-up counter employee* “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

Trial By Telephone Wire

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Caller: “I keep getting calls from you people and I want them to stop!”

Me: “Ma’am, what are the calls regarding?”

Caller: “I don’t know! They say they want to verify who they’re calling?”

Me: “Is it as though the caller doesn’t know who they’re calling?”

Caller: “Yes, and I want them to stop”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly connect you to our do-not-call line. All you have to do is listen to the prompt and hit the appropriate key.”

(The caller continues to goes on tirade, which turns out to be a different company than the one I work for. Literally every second word is a curse. I finally decide to cut in and stop her.)

Me: *very politely* “Ma’am, you’re calling [my company]. We have nothing to do with [other company] and any calls they might be giving you. However, I would be happy to get you the phone number for [other company] if you would wait a moment.”

Caller: *pauses a moment* “Oh…oh my gosh. I am so sorry! You…were so nice! Why were you so nice to me? I was swearing at you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve worked at three different call centers, and nothing will ever compare to what people called me in tech support.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. That makes sense!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights

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(At a large chain grocery store, we have run out of room in the back room. We’ve placed five or six pallets of pop up near our exit, and to keep people away from them we have placed caution tape around them. A customer comes up to me as I’m talking to my coworker.)

Customer: “Get my son down!”

Me: “What?”

Customer:“My son is climbing on your playground, so make him come down!”

Me: “Miss, we don’t have a playground! What are you talking about?”

(The customer leads us to her son who looks to be around five and is playing on the pallets.)

Customer: “I left him on your playground when I came in, and now he won’t come down!”

Me: “Please, those are stacks of pop and much too dangerous! You need to get your son down now!”

Customer: “No! It’s your playground and I don’t want to climb around the rope! You get him!”

Me, to coworker: “Get the manager.”

(I go over and after about three or four minutes of bribing him with stickers, I get him to come down. By this time, the manager has arrived.)

Customer, to manager: “You shouldn’t make your playground so tall!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. We will fix it.”

Customer: “Hmph! I should hope so!”

(About an hour later, my manager comes by, gives me a gift card and another roll of caution tape to put up.)