(As a general rule, we refuse to tattoo anyone has had a baby in the last three months.)

Me: “Okay, so you’re getting this name?” *spells it out to check correct spelling*

Customer: “Yeah. Can I get her date of birth underneath, too?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “19th September.”

Me: “Um, today is the 24th of November.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, your daughter isn’t three months old yet. We can’t tattoo you for another few weeks. We explained this when you arranged your appointment and you told us she’d be three months old.”

Customer: “She’s three months old.”

Me: “She can’t be, this is the 11th month. She was born in the ninth month. So she isn’t three months old.”

Customer: “She’s three months old.”

Me: “No, she’s two months old. She was born in September, so she’ll be three months in December.”

Customer: “Wait. So, she’s not three months old?”

Me: “Not for another month.”

Customer: “Oh.”

This story is part of our Tattoo roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys sold male chicken?”

Me: “We do sell chicken, but I am not sure we know the gender.”

Customer: “But someone told me that you guys sold male chicken for Thanksgiving dinners.”

Me: “Thanksgiving dinner? Are you talking about a turkey?”

Customer: “Yeah! The male chicken!”

This story is part of our Thanksgiving roundup!

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(We’ve just opened one Sunday when a man comes in and robs us at gunpoint. During the robbery, the robber makes us lock the doors so no customers can come in. After he leaves, we are so upset that we didn’t think to unlock the doors. While we wait for the police to arrive, another man knocks on the door.)

Customer: “Are you open? I’d like to get a coffee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’ve just been robbed at gunpoint, so we’re a little freaked out.”

Customer: “Well, did he steal the coffee? I can still get a latte, right?!”

(The phone rings.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Pizza… Oh, f***, not again.”

(She hangs up. A few customers come and go, and the phone rings again.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Piz—  f*** this!”

Customer: “Hey, lady, problem with the phone?”

Cashier: “Some sicko keeps calling from a blocked number and making creepy comments.”

Customer: “Hang on. I gotta go find my friend.”

(He pays and leaves… and comes back with a 6’8″ NYPD police officer.)

Police Officer: *with a minor Russian accent* “I hear you’re having a problem with a caller?”

Customer: “No, no. Do the accent! Make it f***in’ scary!”

Police Officer: *in a deeper voice with a thick accent* “Excuse me. I hear you have problem with caller?”

(The cashier explains. The police officer orders a slice of pizza, and he and his friend sit and chat for a few minutes. Then the phone rings.)

Cashier: “It’s a blocked number!”

Police Officer: *on the phone, with the accent* “Hello… You are thinking my body is what? I am thinking your body probably very fragile. Very easy to— Oh, he hung up.”

(They stare at the phone a few minutes.)

Customer: “Problem solved?”

Cashier: *to the customer* “So… is your buddy there single?”

Police Officer: *in accent* “Boris have many women. All are love him!”

Customer: “You’re married and your name isn’t Boris!”

Police Officer: “Boris is name of accent. Has life of its own.”

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(I am a manager in a department store. I’m returning a call to a customer who has a complaint.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] calling from [Department Store] to follow up with your concern.”

Customer: “Yes, I was in your store yesterday and I had to wait in line forever. I had a coupon that expired at one pm. I got tired of waiting, so I just left.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Would you mind telling me in which area you were trying to pay?”

Customer: “All over. The lines were long everywhere. I’m thinking about cutting up the credit card I have with you all!”

Me: “Well, I do want to thank you for letting me know. We had tried to make sure that someone was scheduled to ring at every register, and it looks like we have some opportunity to improve that.”

Customer: “Oh, every register had someone ringing at it. There were plenty of salespeople.”

Me: “Well… uh… how can I help you then?”

Customer: “There were just too many customers in your store!”

This story is part of the complaining customer roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Times Theme Park Customers Gave Employees Emotional Roller-Coasters!

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Read the complaining customer roundup!