Archive for 2008

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Diagnostics Through Osmosis

| | Right | December 11, 2008

(I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer came in with a blue Kia Pride.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My car don’t work.”

Me: “OK, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It don’t work.”

Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?”

Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.”

Me: “Uh, OK…let me just take a look to see what the problem is.”

Customer: “No!!”

Me: “Huh? Why?!”

Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!”

Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.”

Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!”

Me: “…”

(Turns out, she just ran out of gas.)

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Who You Gonna Call?

| | Right | December 11, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?”

Me: “Umm… no?”

Customer: “Ok, well… thanks anyway.”

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Another Repressed Memory

, | | Right | December 11, 2008

(I have a flat screen TV near my workplace that was showing a recent cartoon on DVD: “Tinkerbell”. A customer comes by with
her toddler daughter in the cart, and watches a bit of the movie with the child.)

Customer: “Aw, that’s cute! What movie is that?”

Me: “It’s Tinkerbell“.

Customer: “My little girl likes that one. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s new, so it should be around 15 to 20 dollars.”

Customer: “15 to 20 dollars?! That’s almost all of my beer money!”

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Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again…

, | | Right | December 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling **** at Santana Row. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King’, right?”

Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight in the East coast – you can’t you sell them now?”

Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.”

Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!”

Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.”

Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me!! AGHHH! This is bulls***!”

Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.”

Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!”

Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.”

Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East coast will have a head start!”

Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.”

Customer: “What time are you closing?”

Me: “10:00 pm.”

Customer: “I’m coming right now!”

Me: “Ok…?”

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I Just Lost My Appetite…

| | Right | December 10, 2008

(A customer comes in with “artistic” nude pictures of herself and her husband, and throws them on the counter.)

Customer: “What kind of frame should I put on these? They are going in the kitchen.”

Me: “The kitchen, huh? Well, I can start you off with a few options.” *I show her a few frames*

Customer: “…and how much would this be?”

Me: “$350.00 each.”

Customer: “For $350.00 I’d expect something a little more… phallic.”

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