Archive for 2008

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Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, ma’am. ¬†Can I get you anything to drink?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

Me: “Coming right up.”

Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

Customer: “I would appreciate it.”

(I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–”

Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

Me: “OUT!”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”

Self-Rising Expectations

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes sir, every day.”

Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”

Thievers Can’t Be Choosers

| Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want to complain about these towels of yours. They’re really rough and scratchy.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir… wait a second, are you calling from outside the hotel?”

(I double-check the incoming call info, and see that it’s coming in on our toll-free line.)

Caller: “Yeah, I’m at home.”

Me: “And you’re calling to complain about towels you took from the hotel?”

Caller: “Yeah, they suck. They’re not very soft.”

Me: “Well, I certainly apologize for that, sir. If you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll have Housekeeping send you some new ones.”

(Surprisingly, he actually gave me his info; not surprisingly, he called a couple of weeks later to complain about the bill we sent him for the towels.)