Archive for 2008

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So That’s The Difference…

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Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?”

Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?”

Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” ¬†

Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” ¬†

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?”

Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.”

Me: ¬†*surprised* ¬†”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….”

Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!”

Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.”

(I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.)

Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?”

Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.”

Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

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Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

Me: “Yes, we have the movie ‘Forrest Gump’; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

Me: “Uhh…do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

Me: “…”

The Great Fish Massacre of 2008

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Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED.¬†The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. ¬†Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”

Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”

Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”

Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”

Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”

Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*

Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”

Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*

Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”

Customer: “EACH?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “What about those?

Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”

Customer: “EACH?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”

Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”

Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”

(She got her new fish.  No idea what the death toll was.)