Archive for 2008

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The Root Of The Problem

, | | Right | December 29, 2008

Customer: “Hey there! Do you guys have any bamboo wood flooring?”

Customer’s Wife: “Not fake bamboo. Real bamboo.”

Me: “Not in stock, but we can easily special order some for you. Might I ask why you specifically need bamboo?”

Customer: “Well, you see, we had our basement finished a few years ago with oak floors, but since then it has flooded several times. We keep having to tear up the floor and put down new stuff.”

Customer’s Wife: “It’s very annoying.”

Customer: “Very. So we figured that if we had bamboo floors it would be able to soak up the water easily, or be reusable or something like that.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Do you know if bamboo can do that?”

Me: “Um…I’ve never thought much about it, but I think the bigger concern here is whatever’s causing your basement to consistently flood.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something with the window wells. I just figured this would be a quick fix.”

Me: “Sir, you’re in the completely wrong department.”

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Customer Of The Week: The Epicure

| | Right | December 24, 2008

Customer Of The Week: The Epicure
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

Santa Goes Psycho

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(I am stocking Christmas ribbon with a coworker.)

Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.”

Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.”

Me: “Ok, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.”

Me & Coworker: “…”

Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!!

Me: “Uh…a wreath?”

Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!”

Me: “No…sorry, sir.”

Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?”

Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description I doubt anyone will be able to help you.”

Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!”

(Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.)

Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?”

Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.”

Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.”

Me: “Uh, sorry.”

Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again*

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It’s So Easy…Yet So Difficult

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(I worked for the online customer service branch of a major department store, answering questions via “live help”. The store had many older customers who would often have trouble shopping online. The following is an online conversation I had.)

Customer: “Your site won’t let me get through!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what part of the site you were having an issue with?”

Customer: “It keeps telling me that I have the wrong password. I have my password!”

(I look up her password and use it on the site to make sure it
works.)

Me: “I have tested your password and it appears to be working. Would you like me to send you an e-mail with a copy of your password?”

Customer: “NO! I have my password! It says it right here on the screen, and I typed it just like it says.”

Me: *slightly confused as to why the customer’s password would be displayed* “What password do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “cAsE sEnsitIve! I typed it the exact way that it says here! ‘Your password is cAsE sEnsitIve’!”

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It Runs On Imagination

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(An older woman comes in looking for flashlights, and I take her to that section.)

Customer: “Ok then, do any of these flashlights plug in?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, these few here use a built in battery that can be recharged with a power cord.”

Customer: “But I don’t want any batteries, just the cord. Flashlight batteries are always dead every time I need the flashlight!”

Me: “Oh, well I’m sorry, but all we have are these types of flashlights. Why did you want a corded model?”

Customer: “Oh, you know, in case the power goes out.”

Me: “…”

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