Archive for 2008

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She Probably Needs Someone To Put Her Clothes On, Too

| | Right | January 19, 2008

Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

Associate: “Yes this is.”

Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

Associate: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

Customer: “What is this, some sort of self service store?”

Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

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The Shock And Thaw Strategy

| | Right | January 18, 2008

Customer: “I need a fan.”

Me: “What kind of fan?”

Customer: “A fan for where I plug my modem in.”

Me: “Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(Customer leaves and returns with the computer. A hair dryer is duct-taped to the power supply, nozzle pointing into where the fan normally sits.)

Me, dumbfounded: “Why is there a hairdryer taped to your computer?”

Customer: “Well, I have to keep it warm, or it will freeze up.”

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You Go On Wit Yo Bad DIY Self!

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“Professional” Photography

| | Right | January 18, 2008

(Customer has been browsing their pictures for a few minutes and I’ve been working on other orders.)

Customer: “Hey!”

(The customer taps envelope on the counter obnoxiously to get my attention.)

Me: “Yes sir?”

Customer: “You ruined my pictures!” *throws pictures on the
counter*

Me: “Sir, they look fine to me.”

Customer: “You put your fingers in my pictures!”

Me: “That’s impossible sir, there’s no way my fingers could be in your pictures.”

Customer: “They stuck them in the way when you were printing them.”

Me: “No sir, the way our machine works that just can’t happen. The only way there could be fingers in the pictures is if whoever was taking the picture accidentally let their fingers get in the shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a professional and I took all these pictures so I know it wasn’t me. It has to be your fingers!”

Me: “Sir, was I there when you took your pictures?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and confused* “No…”

Me: “They’re not my fingers then.”

(This continued for another 15 minutes, with the customer complaining about our machine being out of focus and a mystery line that very obviously resembled a camera strap.)

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So This Is Why People Have Kids

, | | Right | January 18, 2008

(It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

Little girl’s mom (LGM), to the refill guy: “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

(LGM smacks the guy in head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

LGM: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

Me, to the little girl: “Okay, what would you like?”

(The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

LGM, coming clean: “Just give me a Diet Pepsi. It’s for me.”

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Oh, Mary Jane

| | Right | January 17, 2008

(I swear this lady was high as a kite…She had this crazed out look and talked in this very airy voice. She comes up to register with a large pile of towels and turns to the lady checking out beside her.)

Customer: “Wow! I love your purse! It would go with my shiny blue shoes, and my black jacket, and those cute Capri pants in my closet!”

Other Customer: “Uh…thanks?”

Customer: *turns to me* “You know, I have to keep changing the bathroom colors. I like the spring colors, but you know, Angel keeps peeling the paint off of the wall behind the toilet so I keep telling her Uncle Rico is going to have to repaint the bathroom if she keeps doing that…”

Me: “Ok…well, I hope you enjoy your towels.” *hands her the receipt* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

Customer: *eyes grow wide as she sprawls the receipt out* “WOW! This receipt is so…LONG! Its so…BIG! And there are so many ITEMS on it!”

(She continued to stand at my register fawning over the length of the receipt for a good 5 minutes before she left.)

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