Archive for 2008

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Having A Hussie Fit

, | | Right | January 24, 2008

Me: “Here’s your lemonade sir, what can I get you to eat?”

Customer: “I’ll have a bowl of chili.”

(I walk to the back of the restaurant get bowl of chili and take it to him. This takes all of one minute.)

Customer, angrily: “That took far too long. Did you socialize with the other hussies that work here on your way?”

Me: “No, sir. That’s how long it takes to walk back and get the chili.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for any of this.”

(He then gets up to storm out the front door but instead runs into the door that has the “Use Other Door” sign on it. The “hussies” and I didn’t stop laughing for a good 20 minutes.)

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Nowhere To Hide

| | Right | January 23, 2008

Man: “Oh miss! I notice your shirt says the “*** Steam Train”. You work there?”

Me: “…yes?”

Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

Me: “Of course…”

Man: “So why are you at “Stop and Shop”? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

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If Dr. Phil Has Hair, I’m A Friggin’ Sasquatch

| | Right | January 23, 2008

Customer: “I’m looking for that book by the guy with the hair.”

Me: “The…guy with the hair?”

Customer: “Yeah. I saw it on TV this morning. It has a red cover, I think…”

Me: “What was it about?”

Customer: “Ummm…I think it was about losing weight?”

Me, making an intuitive leap: “Was it The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw?”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Related:
Speaking Stupidese
Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead
Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

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PINheaded

| | Right | January 23, 2008

Customer: “Hey, somebody painted the wall outside the branch I use!”

Me: “Yes sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well now I don’t know my PIN number!”

Me: “I’m sorry–I’m not sure what that has to do with the wall being painted.”

Customer: “I wrote my PIN number on the wall beside the ATM! NOW what am I supposed to do?!?!”

Me: “…”

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Short Term Memory Is For The Weak

, | | Right | January 22, 2008

(We keep lids for our yogurt cups behind the counter and ask each customer if they need one when we give them their order.)

Me: “Would you like a lid for that?”

Female Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Alright, have a nice day.”

(She continues to just stand there after I walk away.)

Female Customer: “Fine! I guess I don’t get a lid then!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You just told her you didn’t want one.”

Female Customer: “Oh yeah…”

Me: *facepalm*

Related:
Zero Short Term Memory

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