Archive for 2008

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Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading

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Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

(Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

Me: “We do not sell internet.”

Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

Me: *head explodes*

Come To Think Of It, He Is Pretty Incredible

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(I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.)

Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?”

Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?”

Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50’s. Oh, I also got that comic… whats it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?”

Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?”

Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!”

Me/My friends: “…”

(As soon as she walked out the store, everybody started to laugh.)

Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

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(I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

(I finish loading her trunk.)

Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

Me: “…”