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It Runs In The Family

, | | Right | January 3, 2008

(A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)

Kid: “I want that one!”

Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”

Kid’s mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”

Kid: “I want the taco.”

Me, turning to the mother: “Ok. What can I get for you?”

Kid’s mother: *points* “I want that one.”

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Mindless Consumerism, How I Love Thee

, , | | Right | January 2, 2008

Kid: “Mommy! Mommy! I want those shoes!”

Mom: “Why do you want those shoes?”

Kid: “Because everyone else is wearing them.”

Mom: “Wouldn’t you want to get something different and be more original?”

Kid: “No… then I wouldn’t be original like everyone else!”

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Family Values

| | Right | January 2, 2008

(A customer hands me the tickets to the horror/torture movie, Hostel 2.)

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but this movie is R-rated and I’m afraid I can’t let your child in.”

Customer, agitated: “Can’t you just let us in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but I’d lose my job if I did that. I CAN help you find another movie.”

(The customer then throws his $6 tub of popcorn in my face and all over the podium and walks off with his family. There’s good family values…)

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The Joys Of Self Righteousness

, , | | Right | January 1, 2008

Caller: “Hello, I’d like to report a ticket.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “I want to report a speeding ticket.”

Me: “I don’t really have the ability to write tickets over the phone.”

Caller: “He’s speeding down the road; he must be doing 90 mph!”

Me: “Generally, at this time of day we have patrols on every major street.”

Caller: “I caught up to him and he is doing about 102. His license plate is [Plate Info].

(I pretend to write it down so I can end this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you, I’ll get right on mailing this–”

Caller: “Did it come up?”

Me: “Yes, it did.”

Caller: “What did it say?”

Me: “It says the car is stolen.” (It didn’t.)

Caller: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “And what is your driver’s license number?”

Caller: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “You are aware it is illegal to drive and talk on your cellphone, right?”

Caller: *click*

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At Least She Has The General Idea

, , , | | Right | January 1, 2008

Bored Teen: “Yeah. I’m looking for this book, When I Drop Dead?”

Me: “I can’t seem to find it in the system. Do you know who the author is?”

Bored Teen: “I dunno. Flooker or Flocker or something.”

(A light goes on in my head.)

Me: “Do you mean AS I LAY DYING, by WILLIAM FAULKNER?”

Bored Teen: *explosive sigh* “Yeah. Whatever. That.”

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