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We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

| | Right | April 28, 2008

(Our new drugstore was assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answered the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This became annoying, but one of my coworkers liked to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Bill: “Hmm…that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely…like it’s crazy.”

Bill: “What do you want ME to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Bill: “Okay then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Bill: “Alright, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

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Dumbest. Question. Ever.

| | Right | April 28, 2008

Customer: “So the pork…is that like, fish?”

Me: “Noo…it’s like, pig.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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Thomas Jefferson, Colonial Hippie

| | Right | April 28, 2008

(A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:)

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?”

Manager: “Yes ma’am, unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.”

Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?”

Manager: “Uh…yes.”

Customer: “Well if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”

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The Gall To Call A Small A Tall

| | Right | April 28, 2008

(I work in a coffee place that has “special” names for their sizes. Since no one can ever get them right, I just started saying small, medium and large to make it easier.)

Customer: “I’ll have a vanilla latte please.”

Me: “Sure. Would you like the large?”

Customer: “Yeah. That’s the small, right?”

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Someone Who Actually Lives Under A Rock

| | Right | April 27, 2008

(A man has been waiting for a table at a full restaurant for 15 minutes. A family of four walks in with reservations and is immediately seated. The man approaches the hostess.)

Man: “I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes. Why were they seated before me?”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, sir, but they called to reserve a table.”

Man: “What, just because they called they get a table right when they come in?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, they called ahead to reserve a table.”

Man: “Well, that’s dumb! So if I go outside and call can I come back in and get a table right now?”

Hostess: “No sir, I’m sorry, but we require at least a couple hours notice for reservations.”

Man: “Well that’s G** d*** stupid! So he calls and gets a table right away, but I can’t call and get a table? What the h*** is wrong with this place?”

*man storms out*

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