Archive for 2008

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Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

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Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a *ahem* content which we cannot print.”

Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

Dr. Jekyll And Hearing-Impaired Hyde

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(At the hardware store where I work, I see an old lady pushing a cart with a heavy bag of dirt inside it.)

Me: “Here, I can help you with that, ma’am. ”

Old Lady:¬†”This cart is awful! It won’t steer anywhere I want it to!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, it is kind of heavy. Here, let me get you a new one.”

Old Lady: “NO! I want a new cart so I can go look at flowers!”

Me: ¬†”… okay. I’ll get you a new cart for the dirt.”

Old Lady: “You DON’T understand! I want a new cart! Not this one! This one is broken!”

Me: “That’s quite alright, ma’am.¬†I’ll get you a new cart instead of this one.”


Me: “Okay, ¬†I think we have a miscommunication here! You may go look at flowers as much as you want. Then, just come check out when you’re done.”

Old Lady:¬†”I’m just going to go look at flowers, AND I want a new cart.”

(About 15 minutes after she looks at flowers, she comes down to my register. She’s still pushing the old cart.)

Old Lady: “Well, I guess I’m done shopping for the day. Thank you so much for your help, sweetie!”

Me: “You’re… welcome?”

Spoken Like A True New Jerseyan

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(A tall man in his 30’s walks in after I had told him over the intercom 3 times that we are a prepay station AND he read the sign on the pumps stating that as well.)

Me: “Afternoon! Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I noticed that you don’t have the card sliders on the pumps. Do you know when you’re going to get those?”

Me: “Sir, I’m fairly confident we’re not getting those anytime soon.”

Man: “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m going to get in my car and drive away without buying your gasoline. In fact, I’m never coming back here again!”

(Note that I have never seen this man before and I recognize all my regular customers.)

Me: “Okay, sir.”

Man: “How exactly does that make you feel?!”

Me: “Well sir, to be honest with you, you’re not the first person that has tried to dampen my day. The fact of the matter is, you can’t dampen my day any worse than it already is when I have to show up here. You’re just one more customer I don’t ever have to hear yell at me again.”

Man: “F*** you and your gas pumps! Thank God people aren’t this rude in New Jersey!”