Archive for 2008

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Touché, Part Deux

| | Right | May 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

Me: “Let me check for you…I do apologize sir, your payment was received 15 days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

Customer: “I see, can you remove it?”

Me: “Unfortunately no, you have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee! I always pay on time!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your g** d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank nazi? Remove my fee!”

Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

(This went on for about 4-5 minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g** d*** mo**** f****** Visa card and shove it up your g** d*** mo**** fu***** a**!”

Me: “Sorry sir, my a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

 

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Shopping Amongst The Commoners

| | Right | May 16, 2008

Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

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Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

| | Right | May 16, 2008

(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*

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Like Son, Like Father

| | Right | May 16, 2008

(I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the 6 year old.)

Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?”

Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those place mats. I like to colour while I wait.”

Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh?

(I obviously thought he was making a joke.)

Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?”

Me: “Uh, not at all sir…would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?”

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Spontaneous Customer Combustion

| | Right | May 15, 2008

Me: “Hi! Welcome to ***, how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you take credit cards? My husband has a huge party coming up. I need a basket immediately, the biggest you have.”

(I ring her up and then ask for her credit card number. I also ask for the CVV code on the back of her card. Big. Effing. Mistake.)

Caller: “Excuse me, you want my what now?”

Me: “Your CVV code, ma’am. The four-digit code on the back of–”

Caller: “I KNOW what a CVV code is, d**nit! I’m not giving it to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s company policy. I can assure you–”

Caller: “I am NOT giving you my code! Get me your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, I swear, it’s policy–”

Caller: (shrieking now) “You rotten children are just trying to ROB ME! GET ME YOUR MANAGER! NOW!”

(I get my manager.)

Manager: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “You’re a bunch of thieves! No one asks for a CVV code nowadays! My husband has had dealings with the LIKES OF YOU!”

(At this point, she’s yelling so loudly that she’s audible to other employees in the room.)

Manager: “Miss, I–”

Caller: *does something inaudible*

Fellow Employee: “What just happened?”

Manager: *staring at the phone* “I think she just broke her phone.”

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