Archive for 2008

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Ah, Love/Hate Relationships

, | Rolla, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls our restaurant over a supposed sandwich issue…)

Customer: “Yeah, I think someone spit or drooled in my sandwich.”

Me: “Oh? I’m sorry to hear that sir. Did you see the employee spit in your sandwich?”

Customer: “It was the guy with the green hair. Well, I think. My fiancee saw him do it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Bring the sandwich in and we’ll replace it or issue you a refund.”

Customer: “I can’t. My fiancee told me what she saw after we ate our sandwiches.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Store policy requires for you to return a portion of the item purchased.”

Customer: “But he spit in it!”

Me: “Are you sure that the sandwich is what you should be concerned about? I mean, she did let you eat the whole thing.”

Customer: *click*

Case In Point

Battle Creek, MI, USA | Uncategorized

Very pregnant girl: “I want to get my eyebrow pierced.”

Me: “I’m not piercing you until you pop out that kid.”

Very pregnant girl: “Why not? I have my ID, I have money!”

Me: “You’re pregnant.”

Very pregnant girl: “So?”

Me: “Whatever I do to you, your baby feels. ¬†When you get pierced, your adrenaline raises and your blood sugar drops.”

Very pregnant girl: “Well… the opposite happens to me!”

Me: “Okay, that doesn’t make any sense, but fine. Your adrenaline drops and your blood sugar raises. It’s still affecting your kid negatively. Kinda like how you can’t drink or smoke when you’re pregnant.”

Very pregnant girl: “My mom smoked with me and I smoked will all my kids and we’re all fine!”

Me: “…”

You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(The store in question was very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.)

Customer: “Where are your batteries?”

Me: “Aisle 3.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Aisle 3…” ¬†*points* “… just behind you.”

Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?”

Me: “The one with the ‘3’ on it, sir. ¬†In between aisles two and four.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle 2*

Boss: “Don’t do that again.”