Archive for 2008

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At Least She Giggled

| | Right | May 18, 2008

Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…”

Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?”

Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!”

(No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.)

Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!”

(I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.)

Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?”

(She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.)

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 3

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(We were having a sale: 4 bags of liquorish for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.)

Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were 4 for $12.”

Me: “But if you’re buying 4, at $3 a piece, that’s $12.”

Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all 4 for $12!”

Me: “Okay…”

Related:
Math Is Your Friend, Part 2
Math Is Your Friend

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Resistance Is Futile

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(Woman is filling out a library card application.)

Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.”

Woman: “Why?”

Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”

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Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio

| | Right | May 17, 2008

Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”

Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them, you insert them rectally.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”

Customer: “What’s my rectum?”

Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butt hole.”

Customer: “Well up yours too!” *stalks off*

(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient “up yours” and get away with it!)

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Back In My Day, Everyone Had Herpes

| | Right | May 17, 2008

Cashier: “Hello.”

Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Old Lady #1: “Stick out your tongue!”

Cashier: “Um, why?”

Old Lady #2: “What is that on your tongue?”

Old Lady #1: “Is that the herpes?”

Cashier: *sticks out tongue and points to a pink tongue piercing* “This?”

Old Lady #1: “Yes, what is that?”

Cashier: “A tongue piercing.”

Old Lady #1: *looks to Old Lady #2* “Oh! We thought it was the herpes!”

Cashier: “Uh, no. Just a pink plastic piercing.”

Old Lady #2: “Oh good! I didn’t think they let people with STDs come to work!”

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