Archive for 2008

Jump to page:

A Bunch-O-Words It Be, Indeed

| Brookings, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me:¬†”Thanks for calling *** support, how can I ¬†help you?”

Caller: “I just bought sump’n down to the W-mart.”

Me: “And how can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Yup!”

*long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hey!”

Me: “What is it I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Got me one a dem orga, orgaz, origaniz, oregonize…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “And what can I do for you in regards to the organizer?”

Caller: “Well, it don’t do nuffin!”

Me: “Sounds like you may need technical assistance on the device, and unfortunately you’ve reached the sales line. I would be happy to give you the accurate number.”

Caller: “It free?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, the support line is not toll free.”

Caller: “That’ll cost more-n-my origun, orgizen, org…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “You may want to first consult the manual for information.”

Caller: “That ol’ book don’t say nuffin but a bunch-o-words!”

Girly Man

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(This big, muscular guy comes in for a massage. We assign clients randomly and he got stuck with me, 110 lbs of girl.)

Tough guy: “I requested a male therapist.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, would you like to go back? They’ll give you to the next guy when he’s ready.”

Tough guy: “How long will that take? I’ve been waiting for two hours!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m sure it won’t be much longer. We can go back and they’ll put you at the top of the wait list.”

Tough guy: “No! Let’s just do this already.”

(He explains that he likes “very deep pressure” and wants a deep-tissue massage with “lots of elbows”. He tells me to go as deep as I want because, “You’re not going to hurt me.” 30 seconds later, as I’m using my hands…)

Tough guy: “Ow, that’s too hard! Don’t go so deep!”

(I lighten it up a lot and start to run my forearm down his back, and he starts dramatically wincing and squirming all over the table.)

Tough guy: “OWWWW, that’s too hard! You need to go lighter!”

(By the end of the massage, I was just brushing him with my hands, his tolerance was so low. The next week, I got his comment card back.)

Tough guy’s comment card: “You beat the s*** out of me and I’m never coming back here again!”

Related:
Full Of Sound And Fury, Signifying Nothing

A Method To The Madness

, | St. Catharines, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [fast food restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me, catching on to their game: “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”