(Our insurance transmitter is experiencing problems, so we are unable to transmit to any insurance companies when filling prescriptions. I explain this to one customer, who decides to sit and wait for a while to see if the transmitter will come back up. Meanwhile, another customer comes in with a prescription.)

New Customer: “Hi. I’d like this filled, please.”

(I explain the transmitter problem.)

New Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t have insurance.”

Me: “No problem. We’ll have it ready in just a few minutes.”

Original Customer: “Wait! I was ahead of her! Why isn’t mine ready?!”

Me: “We are still waiting for the insurance transmitter to come back up, sir.”

Original Customer: “Well, how did you fill hers?!”

New Customer: “I pay cash; I don’t have prescription coverage.”

Original Customer: “Well, I pay cash, too!”

Me: “You want to just get it at retail price, and not use insurance?”

Original Customer: “Yes! I have cash! I’ll pay for it, just fill it now!”

(Five minutes later…)

Me: “Okay, sir, we’ve got you ready. The total comes to $35.99.”

Original Customer: “WHAT?! My co-pay is only $3.00!”

Me: “Sir, you said you wanted to go ahead and pay cash price since the insurance transmitter is still down.”

Original Customer: “I do have cash! See?” *shows a wallet with cash in it* “Why is it $35?! You people don’t know anything! I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

Me: *facepalm*

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Me: “Good afternoon! Thanks for calling… How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just got off the phone with poison control!”

Me: “Oh? ”

Customer: “They told me to call you! Tell me, is your cleaning solution toxic?”

Me: “You mean the stuff we use to clean fresh ear piercings?”

Customer: “Yah, that stuff. I mean, I called poison control and they said they weren’t familiar with your product but to call you and find out what’s in it…”

Me: “Well, no, sir, I don’t believe it’s toxic. There isn’t really anything in here that–”

Customer: “–because I ingested a whole bunch of it!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “I was out of mouthwash. I needed mouthwash.”

Me: “But it isn’t mouthwash… It’s used to clean piercings…”

Customer: “I know; do you think I’m stupid?! That’s why I’m worried!”

Me: “Sir, it isn’t toxic. And for the record, all the ingredients are on the bottle itself.”

Customer: “Why would I look at the bottle? I called poison control!”

Me: “Mhmm. It’s not going to kill you, sir. Just try not to drink any more of it, please.”

Customer: “Oh, good. I’ll call poison control back and tell them that your cleaning solution isn’t a threat to public safety.”

Me: “Please do.” *click*

(A very attractive woman gets out of a Mercedes. She is wearing a mini skirt and halter top. Her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination.)

Attractive Customer: “I need 20 on 3.”

Me: “Okay.” *I ring her up and she pays*

Attractive Customer: “So is someone else working or do you pump the gas?”

Me: “This is a self-service station; we don’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “Well, there is no way I am pumping the gas myself.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t pump the gas for you.”

Attractive Customer: “This is no way to get a tip! I am the customer and I want you to pump the gas for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if I leave the counter I could be fired. As I said this is a self-service station; it means you have to do it yourself.”

Attractive Customer: “FINE!”

(She then walks out to her car and yells…)

Attractive Customer: “Is someone going to pump me or do I have to do it myself?!”

(Every guy at the station started running over to help her.)

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Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?”

Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.”

Customer: “Good point.”

Me: “Hi, sir, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Uhh, yeah, I need some CDs.”

Me: “Sure, we’ve got all kinds: CD-R, CD-RW, and regular music CDs.”

Customer: “Umm, I just need CDs with lots of RAM.”

Me: “RAM? CDs don’t have RAM, computers do.”

Customer: “Oh…” *turns around and ambles out of the store*

(He then comes back a month later with a MacBook.)

Customer: “Uhh, yeah… I put a Linux on it.”

Me: “That’s wonderful; you made a great choice.”

Customer: “But, like, I can’t use my Apple OSX anymore.”

Me: “Issues with Mac OSX? Okay, well. Let’s take a look.”

(I turn the laptop on, and I see that he has installed Ubuntu. I go into the GRUB loader to basically boot OSX and I find that it is no longer there.)

Me: “Sir, did you reformat your hard drive in order to install Ubuntu?”

Customer: “Uhh, I don’t know, I just followed the directions.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it looks like you reformatted your hard drive, got rid of anything and everything you had on your MacBook, and installed Ubuntu.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

Me: “You got rid of everything, including any backups you may have had. I cannot get anything back.”

Customer: “But I can get my files back, right? I only formatted my Apple, right?”

Me: “No, nothing can be done. You can either become a Linux user or, if you have restore discs, you can use those.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll talk to my brother; he can probably get all my stuff back…”

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