Archive for 2008

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What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over

| | Right | May 29, 2008

Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”

Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”

Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”

Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”

Customer: “So you can’t do color?”

Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”

Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.”

(She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)

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Way Too Much Information

| | Right | May 29, 2008

(I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)

Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”

Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

Me: “What?!”

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Spending Your Way Out Of Debt

| | Right | May 28, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi there, I got these promotional cheques at 3.9% for my Visa card. I was wondering if I can pay my Visa bill with them.”

Me: “No miss, the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. Therefore, you can’t pay the Visa with the same Visa account.”

Customer: “Why? I don’t see why not…”

Me: “… because the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. It doesn’t make it a lesser balance, it makes it a higher balance. Therefore, you can’t pay your Visa with the same Visa.”

Customer: “I think this is stupid. I should be able to do whatever I want with my cheques.”

Me: “Do you write yourself cheques with your bank account to yourself, and not have to pay for it?”

Customer: “Well, no… that’s just silly.”

Me: “Do you see how it works, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess. But I should still be able to do it!”

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Youth Is Wasted By The Old

| | Right | May 28, 2008

(A very old lady, clearly hard of hearing and sight walks over to me.)

Customer: “Young man! You don’t have any Canola Harvest butter on the shelf!”

(I had stocked Canola Harvest margarine not 20 minutes earlier.)

Me: “Are you sure? I was certain we had–”

Customer: “You don’t have it. I already looked at your shelf.”

Me: “They changed the label on the tub last week. You probably don’t recognize–”

Customer: “I KNOW where it goes, young man. You don’t have it on the shelf!”

Me: “Let’s go check one more time.”

Customer: “You’re a buffoon, completely incapable! I need an adult… you should get me your manager!”

(We arrive, I pull a tub of Canola Harvest off the shelf and hold it to her.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Canola Harvest.”

Customer: “That’s NOT Canola Harvest! It comes in a white container! Get me your manager!”

Me: *reading the tub* “Canola… Harvest. It’s a new label, is all.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. You must’ve changed the label on me again. *laughs* You should’ve told me it was a different color, young man!”

Me: *gun-finger-to-head*

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Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’

, | | Right | May 28, 2008

(I work for an internet billing company that mostly does work with porn sites.)

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Consumer Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got some charges on my card, and I wanna know what the heck’s goin’ on.”

Me: “No problem sir. If I can get the card number, I’ll be happy to help out.”

(He gives me his card, and I go through the process of looking it up and getting his info.)

Me: “Alright sir, it looks like I have a subscription here to pornking.com. Is that familiar?”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that. Hold on a sec. RANDY!!!”

(I hear him shouting at someone in the background, and then the sounds of someone getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them.)

Customer: “Alright, I done took care of the charges. Can you cancel that for me?”

Me: “… sure. I’ve canceled it from further billing now for you.”

Customer: “Alright, you have a nice day.” *click*

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