Archive for 2008

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The Knights Of Ni Say Boo

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(Before a performance of Spamalot, I was watching a young attendant walking up and down the aisle selling spam sandwiches the way other plays would sell ice cream.)

Sandwich seller: “Spam sandwiches! Anyone care for a spam sandwich? Would anyone like to buy a spam sandwich?”

Audience member: “What flavour are they?”

Sandwich seller: “… spam.”

Yeah, That Might Do It

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Ticket log: “When I shake my computer, I get the blue screen of death”.

Now Playing: Busted

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Me: “Welcome to [movie theater].¬†Can I help you?”

Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].”

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: ¬†”I don’t have any.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”

Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!”

Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”

(At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”

Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!”

Me: ¬†”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”

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