Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?
Customer: “Ms. Dos.”
(The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)
Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”
Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”
(I was going to get some milk out of a refrigerator while my coworker was taking an order at the drive-thru. Here is the conversation that took place.)
Coworker: “Okay, please pull up to the window.”
Customer: “IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL HIT YOU UP SIDE THE HEAD WITH A PAY PHONE!”
Me: *leaning out of the refrigerator* “Did she say…”
Coworker: “…a pay phone?”
(As far as we can guess, her child had said something to her and we just overheard her!)
Patient: “How much is my total?”
Receptionist: “$200.”
Patient: “What? That’s ridiculous! I should get a discount because I come here so much.”
Receptionist: “Ah, well, we really don’t see you more than a couple of times a year for checkups.”
Patient: “Well, he’s the most expensive dentist in the area.”
(The dentist happens to walk by.)
Patient: “Hey, doctor, you’re the most expensive dentist in the area!”
Doctor: “Thank you. It’s not true, but thank you.” *walks away*
Patient: “Are you sure you can’t give me a discount?”
Receptionist: “Sorry.”
Patient: “But I pay for his Bimmer!”
(The doctor actually drives a Honda.)
This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!
Read the next Demands For Discounts roundup story!
Read the Demands For Discounts roundup!
(I used to work at a popular ice cream store, where they mix your ice cream. We got really busy during the weekends, with lines out the door. This happened as I was going down the line asking customers for their order.)
Me: “Hello, what would you like today?”
Customer: “Are you high?”
Me: “Uh… what?”
Customer: “Your eyes are REALLY red. That’s okay, I’m cool with it… I am sure it makes this job more fun.” *grins*
Me: “Um, I’m not high. I have contacts and they make my eyes really red.”
Customer: “Oh, gotcha.” *winks*
(At this point, I am hoping I don’t lose my job for something this stupid.)
Me: “So what can I get you?”
Customer: “Nothing, I am just looking.”
Lady Next To Customer: “I know you are not high dear, don’t panic.” *gives me a tip*
(Customer walks in and is a bright white Jewish guy with a big beard.)
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, my brother says you can give me a tan so I can look like Wesley Snipes.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “You know Wesley Snipes, He’s got a great tan. It looks like he’s a real black guy.”
Me: “Wesley Snipes IS a REAL black guy.”
Customer: “Yeah, because of the great tan he’s got.”
Me: “…Okay?”
Customer: “Look, I just need to be as dark as that guy so I can learn how to rap.”
Me: “You can learn how to rap without being black. Look at Eminem.”
Customer: “Are you gonna give me a tan or what? I have all the money to pay for it.”
Me: “Well, okay. If that’s what you want… but you’re gonna have to shave off that beard and go to the jewelry shop across the street to buy a giant platinum chain with diamonds all over it.”
Customer: “Smart a**!”
(So we put him through the spray tanner like ten times and make him pay 35 bucks for every time. We have almost gotten him as black as Wesley Snipes when our boss walks in and asks what the h*** is going on. He says we have to shave all beards before starting the process. So, now this guy gets his beard shaved by my coworker and the result was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. He looked like a freaking raccoon!)
(The customer looks in the mirror.)
Customer: “You sons of b**ches, you did this on purpose! You racist b**tards hate Jewish people! All I wanted was a f**king tan!”
(The raccoon got dressed super fast and ran out…)
