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Pointless Tantrums

| | Right | May 18, 2008

Server: “What can I get for you to drink today?”

Customer: “Diet Coke.”

Server: “Is Diet Pepsi okay?”

Customer: “No, I want Diet Coke.”

Server: “Well, we only carry Pepsi products.”

Customer: “Fine, then! I won’t drink anything!”

(Whatever floats your boat, lady. It doesn’t make any difference to me whether or not you drink something.)

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Check The Pot At The End Of The Rainbow

| | Right | May 18, 2008

(Customers have been calling in asking for their Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate since the third week in April, even though it wasn’t scheduled to start showing up until the first weekend in May.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if my $600 rebate was in my account yet? My neighbor got his.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like it has not been deposited yet.”

Customer: “Why not? My neighbor got his already.”

Me: “I do apologize, but the IRS has not sent the deposit to your account yet.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, but you can call the IRS at 1-866-*** ****, or visit their website. They can tell you when yours is scheduled to be deposited.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just put the money in my account?”

Me: “Because we don’t have it, sir.”

Customer: “Well, after it comes in, I’m changing banks!”

Me: *shakes head*

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At Least She Giggled

| | Right | May 18, 2008

Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…”

Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?”

Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!”

(No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.)

Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!”

(I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.)

Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?”

(She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.)

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Math Is Your Friend, Part 3

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(We were having a sale: 4 bags of liquorish for $12. I ring each bag up individually, and it shows up as $3 a bag.)

Customer: “I don’t want those if they come up to $3 a bag. It said they were 4 for $12.”

Me: “But if you’re buying 4, at $3 a piece, that’s $12.”

Customer: “No, that’s $3 a bag. I want all 4 for $12!”

Me: “Okay…”


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Resistance Is Futile

| | Right | May 17, 2008

(Woman is filling out a library card application.)

Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.”

Woman: “Why?”

Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”

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