Archive for 2008

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My Husband, The Mind Reader

, | | Right | May 31, 2008

(I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

(The lady’s husband walks over.)

Lady’s husband: “She wants pepper.”

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Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone

| | Right | May 31, 2008

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Yes, my daughter saw an ad for slip-n-slides in your store. I thought if you did have them, they’d be up here.”

Me: “Um, no, we don’t have them.”

Lady: “Ha! I knew it!”

Me: “Yeah, we don’t have them here. Just small appliances up here.”

Lady: “Yeah, my daughter is 12 years old, and she’s wrong. I can’t wait to tell her.”

Me: “Heh… yeah.”

Lady: “I can’t wait to rub it in her face. Mom’s right, and she’s wrong, FOR ONCE!”

Me: *facepalm*

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Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

, | | Right | May 31, 2008

Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

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Beauty And The Beast

| | Right | May 30, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, could you speak up?”

Customer: “Yes, sorry. So that’s a large pepperoni pizza and…”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Sorry. Do you have chicken wings?”

Me: “Yes. Hot, mild, lemon pepper–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Sorry. An order of hot wings, then. Do you have 2-liter drinks?”

Me: “No, but–”

*incoherent screaming*

Me: “Could you ask your friend to please quiet down?”

Customer: “He just needs some din-din before bed.”

Me: “Children can be testy this late at night.”

Customer: “Oh no, it’s my husband.”

Me: “Is it too late to change your mind?”

Customer: “Not yet. We got married today.”

Me: “… congratulations?”

Related:
Ah, Marriage
All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash
Behind Every Man Is An Embarrassed Wife
Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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‘Boiled Babies’ Tends To Screw Up Your R√©sum√©

| | Right | May 30, 2008

(My friend worked as a lifeguard in a swimming pool).

Customer: “This pool is too cold, can’t you see my baby is going blue?!”

Lifeguard: “I’ll check the temperature for you, but as all the other babies are fine it shouldn’t be too cold.”

(He takes a temperature reading and it is nearly 35 degrees C/95 degrees F.)

Customer: “Well, it’s still too cold.”

Lifeguard: *gives up* “Very well, if you would like to boil a lobster that’s fine by me.”

(Unfortunately, the customer had no sense of humor and shortly thereafter my lifeguard friend had no job.)

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